Men are like shoes

Soon after I began dating, I was hunting for date shoes in my favorite shoe store, DSW (Discount Shoe Warehouse). It is a cavernous store carrying thousands of varieties. One shoe per style and color sits atop a column of that style’s variously sized boxed shoes. As I slowly cruised each long aisle scrutinizing each style, I felt like a too-lonely bachelorette prowling a singles bar searching for Mr. Right. Then it hit me — there were many similarities to dating and shoes!

• The pictures don’t always match what’s inside. At DSW, a picture of the shoe appears on the box front. However, sometimes the picture doesn’t match the style or color inside. Often a man’s online profile picture doesn’t match his 3-D self. Or his picture is of him in a tux, when he is much more comfortable in jeans. A mismatch of picture and the true man.

• When shoe shopping I pass on 95% of the options. They just don’t fit my taste, so no sense even trying them on. In dating, I pass on 95% of the men who the dating services say I match. I just don’t find most of the profiles alluring enough to give them a try.

• Finding a great pair of shoes takes time, diligence and looking at dozens — if not sometimes hundreds — of pairs to find one that you love. The same with finding your life mate.

• Sometimes I love a shoe, only to discover the store doesn’t have my size. Sometimes a man can have a great profile, but he’s not available.

• I’m often drawn to shoe styles that are cute, hip or sexy, but they rarely fit well. In dating, while a man can seem fetching, I’m often disappointed that he isn’t a good fit. You may have to try on those cute, sexy, hip shoes (and men) to realize they really aren’t for you.

• Sometimes a pair of shoes can seem perfect until I try it on. Then they pinch or hurt and I can’t stand to wear them. I return them to their box for someone else to try. Some men seem perfect on paper and/or the phone, but within the first encounter, I can see it’s not going to work. I return him to the dating pool for some other woman to try.

• When I find a pair of shoes that initially fits well, I wear them around the store (or shoe department) while continuing my shopping. More times than not, they begin hurting within 10 minutes. But if I hadn’t taken the time to test drive them thoroughly, I would have taken them home with only a 60-second trial. They would languish in my closet and I’d be unhappy I bought them. With men, if you don’t give them a thorough trial period and jump to commitment too quickly, you may find you’ve made a bad choice. You’ll be unhappy with yourself. You need to try out the relationship for a while before making a purchasing decision — I mean commitment!

• Some shoes make you feel frumpy and unattractive. While a man can’t make you feel anything, some treat you in a way that you feel sexy around him, while others ignore you and you can end up feeling unattractive. Don’t ever make any investment in shoes or a man who you don’t feel magnificent with.

• You need some special-purpose shoes for hiking, running, dancing, golf, business, or formal wear. You have those shoes for specific purposes. If you’re multi-dating, you have different men for different events — one likes the opera while another loves country dancing; one cries with you at chick flicks and another accompanies you to a sporting event. So it can be useful to have several men for different outings.

• I’m really looking for shoes I can wear comfortably, are versatile and appropriate for a variety of situations. Of course, I want a man who is all these things as well.

• When I find a pair of shoes that I love, I wear them often and treat them well. I polish them and keep them in good repair. When I find a man I love, I work to keep him happy and the relationship humming.

• Some shoes have good soles and some men have good souls. And some have/are obnoxious heels.

So enjoy your shoe/man hunt!

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