You’re really attracted to the guy you’ve been dating. Things have been heating up and you feel soon you’ll be salsa-ing under the sheets. You think he’s attractive — perhaps even hot — and you can’t keep your hands off each other.
My friend George says he asked himself two questions when dating before deciding to jump into bed with a woman. You may have other questions, but I think these two are a great start. At least they’ve worked for me.
- In the morning, would I look at my date and think this was a good idea?
If you project yourself into the future and imagine yourself looking at him next to you in bed, how would you feel? That this was a good idea — or a stupid one? If you envision that you’d feel positive about waking up next to him, tousled hair, morning breath and all, then that is a good sign. However, if you can’t conceive spending the whole night next to him, nor waking up to his unshaven mug, perhaps it’s best to wait. Of course, if one-night stands are fine for you, then you needn’t even ask this question.
- How would I feel introducing my date to my friends?
Often our friends are more important to us than our dates — until we’ve fallen head over heals. I’ve taken some suitors to social events and later my friends told me, “I just didn’t see you two together long term,” or “He didn’t seem right for you.” If you value your friends’ insights and assessments, then you often know whether you would feel proud to introduce your date to them or not. If you don’t see introducing your date to your best pals, perhaps it’s not a good idea to get naked. Unless, of course, you see this as a one-time occurrence.
If you decide to move forward even after answering “no” to these two questions, ask yourself why. Are you just after a physical release? If you are okay with no-strings-attached sex, what if he sees this as a sign you are more committed to the relationship? Are you leading him on? Is that fair to him? What if you get more emotionally attached after the roll in the hay, yet know you don’t think of him as a long-term boyfriend? How will you handle that?
In the heat of passion, often you aren’t thinking with your brain. It would head off some heartbreak if you could collect yourself for a few minutes and ask yourself some questions before you decide to move forward. These two questions are a start. Write them in your PDA, or on a paper in your wallet and add your own if you want.
What other questions would you like to ask yourself before deciding to take the relationship forward physically? Share them with other readers.