During my trip abroad, I’ve invited several relationship coaches/bloggers/authors to fill in. So you’ll have a different weekly voice to read. The first one is from my friend Rachel Sarah, author of Single Mom Seeking. Her book is full of not only practical tips, but candid reports from the dating front as a single mom.
This year was quite the doozy for me. As my first book Single Mom Seeking went to press in 2007, I was going ga-ga over a man.
After five+ years as a single mom — and a very long string of bad dates — I thought I’d found my Mr. Right. Maybe I’d been looking so hard for my him ˜ my fairytale prince — that I’d fooled myself. I wanted that happy ending. I wanted it so badly.
Boy, did my plot take a knotty twist.
I hadn’t opened myself up like that to a man for years — not since meeting my daughter’s father in 1998. I simply let go. But something was missing. It didn’t take us long to figure that out. Intimacy terrified him — and the more I tried to get closer, the further away he went.
We split up just as 2007 began, and I’ve gone back inside myself. It’s not always easy to look deep inside yourself and think about how you want to live differently.
So, how do you protect your heart?
No, I’m not talking about lowering your cholesterol.
Let’s say that you meet someone you really like. I mean really like, as in the conversation just flows and your skin gets flushed just thinking about him. Do you jump into the sack with him?
Sure, go ahead. I’m not one to get all moralistic on you. But in my experience, intimacy does a number on my heart, meaning that it opens me up wide. When I sleep with a man soon after meeting, the smart girl in me often falls asleep.
So, what can you do? What are some creative ways you can connect without opening yourself up too quickly?
- Let’s say that first date is rocking, and when it’s time to go your separate ways, you say “yes,” to the long kiss, but decide not to invite him upstairs. Not yet.
- How about writing a real, old-fashioned love note and leaving it on his dashboard — instead of sending a text message?
- How about taking a yoga class together — instead of sharing a bottle of wine, and getting tipsy?
- How about having your best friend meet him… before you sleep with him?
How do you plan to protect your heart in 2008?