Dating-over-40 advice by the Dating Goddess™
Do you sometimes feel you’ve explored all the eligible men in your area who meet your criteria? Perhaps you’ve modified your online searches and lowered your requirements and still no one compelling has expressed mutual interest.
You need to try something new. Dramatically different.
We’ve all had it.
None of us likes it.
It stings, although sometimes it’s a relief.
It’s hard to give and to receive.
You’ve heard this bromide from people who want to encourage others to be more bold, or to justify their own failed behavior.
So does it hold true in dating?
Yes, it doesn’t hurt to try…
At the train station in Cheshire, England, officials erected a “No Kissing” sign since traffic stacked up while amorous lovers made out bidding each other good-bye.
It made me wonder about our own personal no-kissing zones. Although many (most?) daters don’t mind some PDA, there are places we’d rather not neck.
We like our friends, in part, because of who we are when we are with them. We feel we can relax and be our best self.
Unlike how we feel when we are around people who we find difficult, obnoxious or off-putting. Part of why we don’t like being around those folks is because we don’t like how we feel around them.
Another way to say this is: around our friends, our true self is called forth. We feel good, comfortable, relaxed.
Midlife singles often tell me that the biggest challenge with dating is getting a date in the first place. That isn’t what I see as the greatest obstacle, as you could easily go out with lots of people if you adjust your criteria.
In my experience, the biggest issue is finding someone interesting and engaging enough to see again (and they feel similarly), then building some traction. About half of the 110 men I’ve gone out with resulted in one-time-only meetings.
(Dear Readers: My fabulous former relationship counselor and friend Sonika Tinker has a teleseminar series and CD set I thought might interest you so I asked her to contribute a posting.)
by Guest Blogger Soniker Tinker, MSW
Many singles are tired of the dating scene and sick of superficial interactions. Most leave dates and singles events feeling more lonely and discouraged than ever.
Why? The dating scene doesn’t work.
Our society drowns us in Valentine’s Day propaganda — cramming down our throats that if we have a sweetie we have to go all out to show our ardor. And by implication, if you don’t have a honey, you are a loser.
You know you’re not a loser. You have been working toward finding a compatible, mutually attractive sweetheart. You’ve been consciously and consistently making yourself the best you can be.
You’ve kept up your beloved-finding activities. Over and over. Like a long march toward an elusive love. You keep at it.
An interesting man contacts you through a dating site, but he lives several states away. Even with the distance, you decide he’s intriguing enough to get to know. Besides, you’re going to be in his general area in two weeks, and perhaps he’d consider driving to meet you.
You get to know each other via email and phone, talking every few days. The calls are punctuated by frequent laughter. Your emails show caring and interest in each other’s lives. He isn’t daunted by the 2-hour drive to take you to dinner and a jazz club when you’re in his area.
He says he’s nervous to meet you, which you find sweet, yet odd for a confident, accomplished man.
Younger men. Sometimes decades younger. Perhaps young enough to be your son.
I’m not usually drawn to them because they are typically even more immature than the fifty-somethings I tend to date. And I abhor the concept of and term “cougar” so would never want to be accused of one.
But every once in a while a younger man comes along who is worth considering. And if there’s mutual attraction, it can be great for your ego — as well as fun!
