I loathe the term “cougar” and would never initiate a relationship with a much-younger man. When I’ve dated men 1-10 years younger they all initiated the contact. Generally, I’m not drawn to younger men as the ones I’ve been around don’t have the emotional maturity, world experience, or gravitas that I find alluring. Not that a great many of the ones my age do either, but it seems more pronounced in those younger than a year or two.
So when a man 19 years younger contacted me, I tried to politely dissuade him. But he was persuasive and persistent. I thought, “What the heck. Let’s see where this goes.”
I haven’t had the courage to ask how old his mother is for fear that she’s younger than me. That would be hard to wrap my head around.
While there are some drawbacks, like the fact I may be near his mother’s age, there are benefits as well.
- Abundant energy. He never says, “Slow down” or “I need a nap.” He’s raring to go all the time.
- Varied interests. He helps me explore activities I may not have sought on my own.
- Respect. He values my experience and achievements.
- Expanding my knowledge. He’s current in some parts of culture/technology that I’m not, so he teaches me.
But the element of his youth that’s been most beneficial to me is his fitness has motivated me to increase my physical activity. Because he works out 5-6 times a week, I’ve realized that if I’m going to keep up, I have to be in better shape. So I’ve increased my workouts and varied my regimen to increase cardio and flexibility. I’m already seeing the results in having fewer aches and pains and feeling stronger and more toned. And I’ve lost 8 lbs.!
As we spend more time together and get to know one another, I’m sure more downsides to dating a younger man may be revealed. I have some inklings of those, but they have yet to be born out.
There’s a saying that older men are looking for a purse and a nurse. I don’t know why younger men pursue older women, especially if they are economic equals and they don’t have a craving to be mommied.
Whether this one works out or not, I’m better off because of what he’s added to my life already.
Why do you think younger men pursue older women? Would you date a man nearly 20 years younger? Why or why not?
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If you want more ideas on what to consider when deciding who to date, get your copy of In Search of King Charming: Who Do I Want to Share My Throne?