Posts tagged as:

dating over 40 advice

I dated a sweet man who grew up in an African village. He came to the US at age 19 to go to school.

I loved hearing his stories of growing up in his village, living in mud huts, bathing in the nearby river, gathering water from a pond, making fire from sticks and moss, walking miles to sell eggs and chickens at the market, and other examples of a life I couldn’t imagine. He regaled me with his tribe’s welcome-to-manhood ceremony and other rites of passage.

[click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

The phrase “keeping it 100” comes from “keeping it 100% real,” meaning being 100% honest. It’s shorthand for no BS, don’t tell me what you think I want to hear, tell me the unvarnished truth. Don’t hold back.

I decided to try this with a man while we were exploring going from pals to more. His life is complicated right now, uncoupling from a long-term relationship. I wanted to understand his emotional state, goals and desires. I needed to determine if it made sense to become closer during this challenging time, or whether it would be best for all if we stayed pals and revisited becoming romantic after he was fully unencumbered.

[click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

A man may enter your life who does not hold the work title or financial status you are seeking. But he’s a good man. He is honest, has integrity, treats you respectfully, listens to you, and is accommodating to your desires.

The “what” is his profession. The “who” is his character, values and behavior.

[click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

It’s commonly said that women try to change their man into someone more to their ideal. Men, however, are afraid women will change, as they like what they have.

Not that a man can’t wish a woman was a better cook, was more punctual, neater, or had other habits he liked. But (generally) he won’t hound her, unlike women (generally).

My experience is men won’t tell you when they are fully accepting of who you are, warts and all.

[click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

You’ve been single for a while. You would like to have a special man in your life. But how?

Women reentering the dating scene after a long absence need to first examine if they are ready to date again. After all, not only is there the possibility of being swept off your feet by a romantic, loving man, there’s the chance of being swept over the cliff of heartbreak. Here are some tips on how to ensure you enjoy your adventure of dating after 50, not dread the next coffee date.
[click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

Some people set no distance requirements on potential suitors. One Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 reader shared she was romanced by a guy half way around the world for over two years! (They never met and he went poof one day.)

Other people have ridiculously short distance requirements. Some men list 10 miles as their dating radius in their dating profiles. Unless you live in New York City, I think it this is too small. An hour’s drive seems reasonable to me.

Throughout my post-divorce dating, I was always clear I didn’t want a long-distance relationship. Even thinking that, I’ve been entranced enough with four of the 112 men to explore dating them. With three of the four, I spent hours on the phone with them, often talking every day for up to several months before meeting. Two I never saw after one date, and one I saw 3 times before he went poof.

Then I found myself in a 600-mile relationship. Why? Because he is a great, loving, smart, romantic, thoughtful guy. The distance has its pros and cons. Here’s what I’ve found so far:

[click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

This can be a common thought for powerful, successful, midlife dating women. It was expressed by Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 reader Diamond in a question to me:

            I’ve been in business my whole life. A friend’s mother shared this advice just prior to my running off to meet what I thought was the man of my dreams in London. She gently said, in a loving mother’s voice, “Do you mind if I give you a piece of advice about your man in London? Please don’t treat him like a business!”

            I have a hard time switching from client mode to date mode. I treat my date as I do my clients”— I want to know up front, “What are your goals and objectives?” This is me, who are you? BAM! I’m sure I’m too direct for the first call. This doesn’t evolve over time — I want to know now so I don’t waste time.

            OMG — I don’t know how to date! The last guy went packing after our initial call. Run Forrest! Run!

[click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

She said he has given her a 2-week probation to decide if he wanted to stay or go.
[click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

My ex learned he had cancer 2 years ago. Since we didn’t keep in touch, I learned of it a year ago. He did semi-weekly podcasts for a few dozen friends to update them on his health. I listened to the previous 100 podcasts before reaching out via email.

He said he was thrilled to hear from me and was stunned that I would listen to all 100 previous podcasts. I’d asked if now we could be friends and he said he’d like nothing better. We exchanged a few emails and he said he’d like to talk about the end of our marriage as he was sure I had some questions — which I did. I asked for some good times to call since he was so overwhelmed with treatment appointments and recovery. However, he never closed the loop to set up a call, so I decided I’d make the 600 mile trip to visit him and have that discussion face to face. A few months ago, his doctors had given him 18 to 24 months, so there was plenty of time.
[click to continue…]

{ 2 comments }

When I’m smitten, or even in the beginning of a budding relationship, I think about the guy a lot.

“I wonder how his day is going. Should I text him?
“I should ask if he wants to come over for dinner Friday.”
“I need to ask him why his marriage broke up.”
“I think I’ll ask him to accompany to the party next weekend.”

This sort of incessant chatter fills my idle thoughts. I rarely have time to think of my other interests.
[click to continue…]

{ 3 comments }

He was not classically good looking. He had a pronounced nose and craggy face etched from decades of intense work. But his entrancing blue eyes made everything else fade away.

He stood straight so his fit 57-year-old body seemed decades younger. And when he looked at you, it felt like he really saw you. He listened and asked intelligent relevant questions. The combination was sexy — my married gal pals felt it too. He was divorced.

We met speaking at a conference in Singapore. We spent all our downtime together the next 3 days. I invited him to a small dinner party with some of my pals. He got along with them beautifully, balancing listening to their stories, asking questions and sharing his own experiences.

But alas, it was not to be.

[click to continue…]

{ 1 comment }