Keeping it 100

The phrase “keeping it 100” comes from “keeping it 100% real,” meaning being 100% honest. It’s shorthand for no BS, don’t tell me what you think I want to hear, tell me the unvarnished truth. Don’t hold back.

I decided to try this with a man while we were exploring going from pals to more. His life is complicated right now, uncoupling from a long-term relationship. I wanted to understand his emotional state, goals and desires. I needed to determine if it made sense to become closer during this challenging time, or whether it would be best for all if we stayed pals and revisited becoming romantic after he was fully unencumbered.

How much mind space does he take?

When I’m smitten, or even in the beginning of a budding relationship, I think about the guy a lot.

“I wonder how his day is going. Should I text him?
“I should ask if he wants to come over for dinner Friday.”
“I need to ask him why his marriage broke up.”
“I think I’ll ask him to accompany to the party next weekend.”

This sort of incessant chatter fills my idle thoughts. I rarely have time to think of my other interests.

Right man; wrong continent

He was not classically good looking. He had a pronounced nose and craggy face etched from decades of intense work. But his entrancing blue eyes made everything else fade away.

He stood straight so his fit 57-year-old body seemed decades younger. And when he looked at you, it felt like he really saw you. He listened and asked intelligent relevant questions. The combination was sexy — my married gal pals felt it too. He was divorced.

We met speaking at a conference in Singapore. We spent all our downtime together the next 3 days. I invited him to a small dinner party with some of my pals. He got along with them beautifully, balancing listening to their stories, asking questions and sharing his own experiences.

But alas, it was not to be.

The woo dance

Wooing can be exhilarating, fun, and exciting. It’s nice to be the recipient of a man’s attention and affection. It’s especially nice when he’s good at it, but not so good it seems practiced.

I’ve been the recipient of good woos and not so good ones. The latter wooers seem clumsy, perhaps out of nervousness or lack of confidence. The former seem relaxed; the wooing feels natural, comfortable and sincere. But of course, that could also come from frequent wooing.

Can you be wacko on dates?

We all have stories of some date gone awry because your companion acted strangely. In fact, we love to regale our friends with these stories whenever mid-life dating enters the conversation.

We never see that we might have been the one someone is telling a story about. How could we be the focus of a wacko story? It can’t be true!

But it is.

Dating as sport

I spent some time recently with a mid-50s, never-married, long-time friend. He’s been in relationships lasting a few years, but never found someone he wanted to be with long term.

But he does love women and he loves to date. He had 3 dates last weekend with different women. He said he liked all of them but only planned to see one of them again. And he had another set of women lined up for the following week.

I asked why he didn’t just focus on one.