The sticky side of honey do’s

A past beau called the little chores he did for me around my house “honey dues” and implied they were the dues men paid to make their woman happy.

I’ve generally thought it was sweet and loving when a man offered or agreed to help with small household jobs that I either couldn’t do alone or didn’t have the expertise to accomplish. Usually I call a handyman when I need help, but often a beau has offered assistance.

Honey do’s can be simple household maintenance acts via which a man shows his caring for you. A man replaced my leaking kitchen sink faucet to one with more features and no drips, for which I am appreciative every day. Another consolidated my audio equipment into a home entertainment center, which I love. Both men are gone from my life, but their thoughtful deeds live on and remind me of their kindnesses.

But sometimes I’ve paid more dearly to have my man’s help than to pay my handyman.

For example, one beau insisted on waxing my car, even though I didn’t ask and really didn’t care if it was waxed or not. He started late in the day and it was dark by the time it was ready to be wiped off, so he decided to finish it in the morning. By that time it was caked on so hard, some parts never came off. Even after many washings and many months there were still remnants of that wax. It reminded me of him — and his overbearing ways that this represented — every time I looked at it and long after we broke up.

A recent sweetheart offered to install a new rod and curtains in my dining room. I was appreciative of his offer, and helped him determine the right length. I was then distracted by a phone call and when I returned I discovered he’d hung them 4″ too short. He noticed and offered to rehang them on a future visit, but before he could he broke up with me. So now every time I see them I think of him and have mixed feelings of gratitude for his doing this chore for me and irritation that he hung them poorly. It reminds me of my other requests about the relationship — not honey do’s — he feigned to attend to but didn’t.

Some acts, like the unwanted wax job, are more a way a man shows what he thinks you should have, not necessarily what you want or need. And while these are ways he show he cares for you, they may not be ways you want to be cared for. 

All in all, it’s probably best to just hire a handyman as you’ll have fewer upsets, both while in the relationship and after your guy is gone.

Got a topic on dating after 40 you want Dating Goddess to address? Send your issue to Goddess@DatingGoddess.com.