Here are a few examples of two-words phrases you don’t really want to hear while dating:
None of these would be music to your ears. Some of these are worse than the phrase I want to focus on:
These two words are rarely followed by something positive, although conceivably they could be coupled with “you’re the one for me” or “I’m in love with you” or “I can’t live without you.
More often, though, they are followed with “this isn’t working,” “I don’t think we should see each other any more,” “we’d be better as just friends,” or “I can’t continue seeing you anymore.”
The reason these words are so upsetting is that you haven’t been given the respect of being included in a discussion leading up to “I’ve decided.” This is understandable if you’ve only been seeing the other a short time.
However, I’ve heard this most often when I’ve been seeing the person a month, two or more. “I’ve decided” did not follow a spat or difficult time, so it seemed to come out of thin air. There was no heart-to-heart discussion about the other being unhappy, or what he wanted that I wasn’t providing. He made a decision and I was out on my ear, period.
Of course, two adults have the freedom to change their minds about a relationship at any time. But it seems that the longer you’ve been seeing someone (or married to them!), you should at least be privy to a conversation about what isn’t working or what the other wants before the “I’ve decided” pronouncement. Not that his mind would be changed, but it seems more respectful to be engaged in the process. Perhaps the decision was based on a misinterpretation of a comment and it would give you an opportunity to clear it up. But once “I’ve decided” has been uttered, it is virtually impossible for him to reconsider.
What do you think about “I’ve decided”? And what other two words can you think of that are difficult to hear when dating?
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