You know I don’t label any of the men I’ve gone out with as losers, frogs, toads, jerks, freaks, geeks, dweebs, nerds or cads.
However, every once in a while, I come in contact with someone who acts immaturely — or toadlike. This was the case with a man who emailed me but didn’t really understand the dating site’s process. He got angry over something he didn’t understand and blamed me.
He initiated contact with a short but specific email addressing some items in my profile. I responded promptly, but because I wasn’t a member of the site, I could only use one of the pre-determined responses the site provides.
He didn’t understand that non-members can only respond with these brief pre-written lines, so his response to me was:
“I really hope you can come up with more than a coppied [sic] message. I don’t mean to be rude but I’m a person who puts alot [sic] of effort into communicating and I feel slighted when others don’t put effort into a response.
Well, this doesn’t sound very respectful, does it? These two sentences told me a lot about this man.
- He didn’t understand the site. If you are new to a site, you may not really know how it works, so I can give him some slack on this.
- He assumed I was lazy or rude. He jumped to a conclusion based on minimal information. Instead of saying something like “Thanks for your positive response. I hope to hear more from you in the future.” he lambasted me. Is this a way to try to start a relationship? I don’t think so.
- For someone “who puts alot [sic] of effort into communicating” he didn’t put enough effort in proofreading before hitting the send button. C’mon — it’s only two sentences, not a treatise. How hard is that to check for spelling errors?
- He seemed to get angry over a tiny thing. If something like this sets him off, what would life be like around him? Would he yell at inconsiderate drivers, slow waiters, inattentive clerks? Is that the kind of guy I’d want to spend time with? No.
So while he made some assumptions about me based on my pre-determined response, I, too, made some decisions about him as well.
I’ve learned that you really can tell a lot about someone by their initial emails, phone calls and first dates. Yes, give him a little slack, but if his comments and behaviors show anger over inconsequential things, best to move on. You don’t want to be the recipient of toad rage.