Toad rage

You know I don’t label any of the men I’ve gone out with as losers, frogs, toads, jerks, freaks, geeks, dweebs, nerds or cads.

toadHowever, every once in a while, I come in contact with someone who acts immaturely — or toadlike. This was the case with a man who emailed me but didn’t really understand the dating site’s process. He got angry over something he didn’t understand and blamed me.

He initiated contact with a short but specific email addressing some items in my profile. I responded promptly, but because I wasn’t a member of the site, I could only use one of the pre-determined responses the site provides.

He didn’t understand that non-members can only respond with these brief pre-written lines, so his response to me was:

“I really hope you can come up with more than a coppied [sic] message. I don’t mean to be rude but I’m a person who puts alot [sic] of effort into communicating and I feel slighted when others don’t put effort into a response.

“Respectfully Yours”

Well, this doesn’t sound very respectful, does it? These two sentences told me a lot about this man.

  1. He didn’t understand the site. If you are new to a site, you may not really know how it works, so I can give him some slack on this.
  2. He assumed I was lazy or rude. He jumped to a conclusion based on minimal information. Instead of saying something like “Thanks for your positive response. I hope to hear more from you in the future.” he lambasted me. Is this a way to try to start a relationship? I don’t think so.
  3. For someone “who puts alot [sic] of effort into communicating” he didn’t put enough effort in proofreading before hitting the send button. C’mon — it’s only two sentences, not a treatise. How hard is that to check for spelling errors?
  4. He seemed to get angry over a tiny thing. If something like this sets him off, what would life be like around him? Would he yell at inconsiderate drivers, slow waiters, inattentive clerks? Is that the kind of guy I’d want to spend time with? No.

So while he made some assumptions about me based on my pre-determined response, I, too, made some decisions about him as well.

I’ve learned that you really can tell a lot about someone by their initial emails, phone calls and first dates. Yes, give him a little slack, but if his comments and behaviors show anger over inconsequential things, best to move on. You don’t want to be the recipient of toad rage.

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3 responses to “Toad rage”

  1. Bruce Daley Avatar

    Glad to hear you did not have to kiss this toad to discover he is no prince. Looooser!


  2. Jim Avatar

    Most web sites are poorly designed and most people are computer illiterate. Usually, this is actually a good thing, since I would rather my dentist know zero about computers and lots about how to fix teeth as painlessly as possible. While the guy should have been a little smoother about his response, I can easily see how he could be lead into the intellectual trap he fell into. When I was investigating “dating” web sites, because I am a technologist, I usually noted in my profile that I was not a full member and could not respond to messages. Even with that caution, I would get long missives trying to start a conversation that I could not respond to because people just do not understand the complexities of the technology they are trying to use. NOTE even though I have several hardware and software patents for the PC or Mac you are currently using, I still have problems with some of the web sites as they are designed so poorly, so blame the technology not the users. On the flip side, I recommend that everyone be very gentle in all communication, as written language can be sooooo easily misunderstood.

  3. Donna Cutting Avatar

    Love the term “Toad Rage.” It really “Pops!” 🙂