A guy begins with 100 units. He can add to these units by doing good things (e.g., calling when he says he will, being chivalrous, suggesting activities he thinks I’d like, bringing small gifts, remembering info from previous conversations), smiling, making me laugh, having a good vocabulary, using proper grammar, dressing in clean, appropriate clothes, having good manners, generally being fun, interested, present and thoughtful.
And yes, looks do count – if he’s yummy he gets more points than if he is average. Average-looking guys can come out ahead of a yummy guy by earning points in other areas. And if you find him sexy, then jackpot!
Units are deducted for being late without calling, hogging the conversation, talking only about himself, his kids, interests and work, interrupting, not making eye contact, or answering his cell phone without first informing me he’s expecting an urgent call. Other demerits are taken for being unkempt (dirty clothes, unshined shoes, unpressed shirt), being unchivalrous (walking first into/out of a building, not holding the door, walking on the inside of the sidewalk), having poor table manners, mispronouncing too many words, or being unkind to anyone. Moving too fast (hand on my thigh within minutes of meeting me, trying to French kiss too soon, and trying to sleep with me on the first date) is also a big demerit earner.
I don’t actually keep score – although I often think I should. I would have to assign values to the various behaviors. For example, being unkind would earn a lot more demerits than unshined shoes. And being kind and thoughtful are awarded a lot more points than walking on the outside of the sidewalk.
But I do notice all of the above and make a mental note. Here’s an example from a recent first date.
- Good: Often emails fun notes, brought small gift, pleasant to waiter, seemed to pay attention when I talked, had good eye contact, smiled, shared air time, treated for lunch, asked to see me again.
- Bad: Walked into restaurant first, didn’t hold door for me, took cell phone call during lunch, interrupted a lot.
So what’s the net score for this guy? Around 105. His plusses earned him back points he lost. So I’ll see him once more, then decide if I want to see him again.