Tracking your date’s score

A guy begins with 100 units. He can add to these units by doing good things (e.g., calling when he says he will, being chivalrous, suggesting activities he thinks I’d like, bringing small gifts, remembering info from previous conversations), smiling, making me laugh, having a good vocabulary, using proper grammar, dressing in clean, appropriate clothes, having good manners, generally being fun, interested, present and thoughtful.

And yes, looks do count – if he’s yummy he gets more points than if he is average. Average-looking guys can come out ahead of a yummy guy by earning points in other areas. And if you find him sexy, then jackpot!

Units are deducted for being late without calling, hogging the conversation, talking only about himself, his kids, interests and work, interrupting, not making eye contact, or answering his cell phone without first informing me he’s expecting an urgent call. Other demerits are taken for being unkempt (dirty clothes, unshined shoes, unpressed shirt), being unchivalrous (walking first into/out of a building, not holding the door, walking on the inside of the sidewalk), having poor table manners, mispronouncing too many words, or being unkind to anyone. Moving too fast (hand on my thigh within minutes of meeting me, trying to French kiss too soon, and trying to sleep with me on the first date) is also a big demerit earner.

I don’t actually keep score – although I often think I should. I would have to assign values to the various behaviors. For example, being unkind would earn a lot more demerits than unshined shoes. And being kind and thoughtful are awarded a lot more points than walking on the outside of the sidewalk.

But I do notice all of the above and make a mental note. Here’s an example from a recent first date.

  • Good: Often emails fun notes, brought small gift, pleasant to waiter, seemed to pay attention when I talked, had good eye contact, smiled, shared air time, treated for lunch, asked to see me again.
  • Bad: Walked into restaurant first, didn’t hold door for me, took cell phone call during lunch, interrupted a lot.

So what’s the net score for this guy? Around 105. His plusses earned him back points he lost. So I’ll see him once more, then decide if I want to see him again.




3 responses to “Tracking your date’s score”

  1. ER Avatar

    Hmmm…I’ve got to disagree with you on this DG.

    Firstly I don’t think a guy should bring a gift to a first date, whoever small it is. The gift itself is probably not worth much and symbolically it places the woman on some kind of pedestal. ‘She for whom we bring gifts.’

    Don’t get me wrong, I love romance and gifts, but I think they aren’t appropriate on a first date. So on this one I think YOU deserve losing a few dating points.

    I also don’t think you should be subtracting points from a man simply because he walks in to a restaurant in front of you. Maybe this is a cultural thing as I don’t live in the US, but I do know that in many parts of Europe, other places in the world, it is often considered to be doing the right thing if the man walks into the restaurant ahead of the woman.

    There are a couple of reasons that a woman would want her man to walk in to the restaurant ahead of her.

    – he takes the brunt of the head-swivelling, staring, checking-out, glaring, and all the other looks that a crowd sends in the direction of most new people entering a room.
    – It enables the woman to do last minute tiny retouches to herself while being partially hidden from as much of the room as possible. A quick few adjustments to the hair, skirt, dress, even if more often than not aren’t necessary, they do provide a little comfort when entering a new space with new people.

    If it’s cold outside or raining then obviously I would expect the man to let the woman in first, but if it was a dark hidden restaurant that neither of you had ever seen then I wouldn’t hold it against the guy for going in first.

    Having said all that in most cases I think the guy should make sure the woman walks in first. But he shouldn’t lose points if he doesn’t.

    And while we are on the topic of doors, I have to say that I think that the concept of men opening car doors for women is ridiculous. It’s submissive, unmanly, anachronistic, and yet is deemed to convey something romantic or gentlemanly. Opening car door is not romantic, it’s not respectful – it’s a gimmick. A parlour trick nothing more. It gives the illusion of romance, or respect (or whatever it means for you), but that’s it – nothing more.

    In the early days of dating I’d say that the same goes for flowers, chocolates, roses at the restaurant (do you guys have those people sometimes in restaurants trying to sell you roses?). All those cliché dating gifts that men think they have to buy for women.

    What message does it send about the relationship when the man is basically offering the woman gifts, simply for deeming to share her time him?
    Sorry for the rant


  2. Elena Avatar

    Hmm, so, let me see if I understand what you’re saying: The concept of men opening car doors for women is “ridiculous, submissive, unmanly, anachronistic”. (The gentleman doth protest too much.) However, a man walking into a restaurant in front of a woman so that she can make ” a few adjustments to the hair, skirt, dress” while the man “takes the brunt of the head-swivelling, staring, checking out, glaring” is totally up your alley. How positively gallant. Who says chivalry is dead?

  3. […] “Tracking your date’s score” I suggest a guy starts with 100 units or points. He can earn more by doing things you like […]