You were contacted online by a man who lives 75 minutes away. You exchange a few emails; you have a nice phone conversation. You accept his coffee invitation for a few days hence, agreeing to meet half way.
You think about the conversation for a few days, realizing he disclosed a few things that make you know you aren’t a good match in terms of temperament and interests, plus there’s the distance issue. You think about the time it will take — 30 minutes to get ready, 45 minutes to drive there, 30-60 minutes for coffee, 45 minutes to drive home. You realize you don’t have enough evidence that this would be worth three hours to meet this guy.
You realize it would most likely be a waste of time for both of you.
You take a deep breath and call him and politely cancel.
This is the right thing to do. It is respectful of both of you.
While I typically advocate meeting new men who meet your key criteria, this man doesn’t meet enough of what you’re looking for. The distance alone would give you pause even if he offered to make the trip most of the time. Yes, distance can be overcome if enough major criteria are met. But with some of what he disclosed on the phone, it sounds like you’re not really well matched.
People often tell me how much courage it takes to date. Yes, it takes courage to keep putting yourself out there, meeting new people, risking heartbreak. But it also takes courage to not try to start something with someone you don’t have a good sense has the values you’re looking for, even if he seems like a nice person.
Yes, this story happened to me this week. I felt bad for a few seconds, thinking I had led him on by accepting his invitation to meet. But then, once I decided I needed to cancel and made the call, I knew it was the right thing for both of us.
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