[googmonify]8790107066:right:120:600[/googmonify]While I’m traveling this month, some of my dating/relationship blogger pals have agreed to step in. Today our guest blogger is Jeff Mac, of Manslations fame.
Manslations reader Loiralei, has another of her patented “short, sweet, and potent” reader requests. This time? So….ummm…how soon can we DO IT? She writes:
How many dates should you go on with a man before you actually have sex with him for the first time without appearing to be a lady of easy virtue in a man’s eyes?
No wait, eleven.
I mean, four.
Hold on, nine. Yeah, it’s nine.
See how silly any of those numbers sound? This is not a coincidence.
I’ve written about this once before, in response to a Google search about this very thing (read the other post here.) At the end of that post, my blogger pal, Terry referred to a Dear Abby article in her comment. Evidently Abby suggested that a woman hold off on sex, or it will dissipate the “chase and mystery” for the man, thereby destroying any chance of a relationship.
Dear Abby’s idea, to me, smells suspiciously like something that comes out of the southern end of a northbound bull. (Hint: Poop. It’s poop. You know, in case my metaphor wasn’t clear.) Here are 2 reasons why:
1. THIS JUST IN: SEX IS FUN…FOR YOU…uh, right?
I don’t like Abby’s old-school attitude that seems to be “Sex is something that women don’t really like per se, they just use it to transact with men.” I mean, there ARE women who have sex for that reason. But their job is illegal. (I have no idea why, though. As George Carlin once said, “I can’t understand why it’s illegal to sell something that is perfectly legal to give away.”) You shouldn’t have to feel as if what you want brands a scarlet letter on you.
2. MORE BREAKING NEWS: THIS IS NOT 1720
From a manslative perspective, the idea that you should hold off on sex to keep up the sense of chase and mystery is total nonsense. I mean…you’re going to have sex at SOME point, aren’t you? So…what then? At that point he doesn’t care about the chase and mystery anymore? I don’t get it.
Why might a man thnk you’re a lady of easy virtue?
Probably because he was born during the Renaissance. Alongside Dear Abby, I imagine. Seriously, having sex when you want to, BECAUSE you want to isn’t looked upon as a negative. Not that I’ve ever heard of.
I will admit that men don’t like to think that you just fall into bed with everyone you see. But that’s not about WHEN you do it. That’s about them wanting to feel like they are a total badass (as opposed to just another dude.) If you can make him feel like he’s a badass, like a MAN, like you chose him for HIM, he’s not going to care when you chose to have sex.
HERE’S WHY WITHHOLDING SEX WON’T HELP: Really think about it and tell me if it makes any sense. As in:
“Well, I didn’t really like her very much. I was just hoping to have sex with her. But when she REFUSED to have sex with me…well! That’s when I fell in love with her.”
Doesn’t sound very realistic, does it? Or how about this one:
“We really clicked. I really liked spending time with her. But then I found out that not only did she WANT to have sex with me (ugh!), she actually went ahead and DID it (Double ugh!) Game over!”
Yeah, that one doesn’t really work either, does it? See what I’m saying?
Now, I suppose that there are some men who MIGHT react strangely to early sex — probably older guys, who still remember a time when mister, we could use a man like Hoybert Hoover again. But…
THAT’S A BAD SIGN
Uh, do you really want to date a guy who is going to judge you for having sex when you wanted to? Because, you know, you WANT to. That’s YOU he’s judging there. And if he thinks that something that you genuinely want to do is a bad thing, well, sounds like a pretty lousy start, don’t you think?
Seriously, Loiralei, I’d say just do it when YOU feel ready to do it. The right guy will be thrilled with that. And, um, who gives a crap about anybody else?
Ladies? Anybody have a theory/method by which they determine when to have sex? How does it work?
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