In “First-date red flags that this guy isn’t for you” I talked about what men do that tell you he should be released back into the dating pool. But I’ve been curious what women do that make a man say, “She’s not for me.” Of course, everyone has their individual deal breakers, so I interviewed a few single guy pals to see if there were some common behaviors that drove them batty. Here’s what I gleaned.
- Telling your date you’ve talked about him to your mother. It assumes too much permanency before even meeting. He’ll assume you want to marry him as quickly as possible. “You can hear the bear trap starting to close,” says my friend Bruce.
- Sharing your baggage. Women disclose too much too soon. Save it for the second or subsequent dates. If you share too much on the first date, he’ll question your judgment about how much you tell a stranger in any situation. Hold on to see if there’s enough interest for a second date, then you can begin to slowly let your baggage come out.
- Telling him your procreation time line. You tell him you want to have a baby within a year — on the first date? Watch this man run from the building.
- Coming on too strong sexually. Some women talk about sex or are too aggressive and physical on the first date, kissing, rubbing and trying to seduce a man who isn’t interested in being seduced — at least not at a first meeting. Of course, a few like it!
- Nitpicking his values, life style or behaviors. If you don’t like something, decide if you can live with it or suggest changing it later, not the first date! If you can’t live with it, don’t accept a second date.
- Bashing men. It seems both genders like to tell stories about their exes or bad dates. However, if you say things like, “All men want is sex,” or “Men are such jerks” you are lumping your date in with the others who’ve wronged you. No one likes to be stereotyped without a chance to show he’s not like the others.
- Primping at the table. Some men despise when a woman freshens her makeup at the table or brushes her hair in a public place. Excuse yourself to the ladies room.
- Ordering expensive dishes then not eating them. Women have the rap of constantly being on a diet so pick at their food. It irritates guys when a woman orders an appetizer, salad and lobster and only eats a little of each. If you know you are a light eater, offer to share something with him. Only order what you can realistically make a dent in. He’s also not fond of your taking home a doggie bag, as he feels he’s underwriting your next meal.
- Drinking too much. No one likes to be around someone who’s sloshed. Limit your alcohol consumption to one or two.
- Talking incessantly or loudly. Some women (and some men, too) are afraid of dead air. A pause once in a while is a good thing, as is asking him questions about his opinions and life, as long as you don’t interrogate him. Also, men complain that some women don’t know how to keep their voices down, and the increased volume comes across shrill.
What have you heard men complain about first date blunders?
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Comments
3 responses to “Women’s first-date blunders”
I used to be a radio announcer, I have to practically physically restrain myself from trying to fill “dead air”!!
One common blunder is making that first date seem like an interrogation with tons of rapid fire questions. The woman (or sometimes it is the man) asks a string of questions and then the interrogator isn’t keen to offer up their own answers to the same line of questioning.
A doctor once asked me the most bizarre thing on the first date. He asked what would I do if my husband and my child were bound to the rails of a railroad track and a train was barrelling down toward them and there was only time to free one person. The question was, which person would I choose? My husband or my child?
What was so weird about this question was that it came totally out of the blue. It wasn’t like we were talking about married friends or single parenting or anything even tangentially related. I could tell by the way he relished asking the question that this was one of his “gotcha” questions that he liked to spring on dates. When I told him that I didn’t want to answer that question because I thought it was an awful scenario, he pressed me to give a response. The date was already derailed and I just wanted to move on to a different topic, so finally I said I’d save the child because I could always remarry. Boy, did he get offended! But I knew that answer would drive him nuts. That was the first and last date with him.
[…] talked about a few more that are apparent on the first date in “Women’s first-date blunders” and “First-date red flags that this guy isn’t for […]