You have to buy your dating ticket

Some midlife women have shared that they would be interested in dating and finding a sweetie, but they don’t want to do any work to find him. They may — or may not — list themselves on a dating site, but they’re not willing to look at profiles, nor email anyone. If someone approaches her, she may or may not respond.

Some have actually said, “I’d love to have a guy in my life, but he would have to find me at the places I like to hang out.”

This reminded me of an old joke I’m sure you’ve heard.

lotteryA woman prays to win the big lottery. She doesn’t and wails at God. The next week the jackpot is bigger, and she prays more, but again doesn’t win. She shakes her fist toward the sky expressing her disappointment and anger. Another week passes, the fund has grown still larger. She prays and prays and prays to win. She does not. In her frustration, she cries and exclaims, “Got why have you forsaken me! I need that money. Why can’t you help me win?”

A voice from on high booms, “You have to buy a lottery ticket.”

Are you “buying” the dating equivalent of a lottery ticket? Are you doing anything to find a guy? Are you online, telling your friends to set you up, going to singles’ dances, or joining singles’ activities clubs? Are you expecting your next love to trip over you at Curves? In the Nordstrom lingerie department? At the Macy’s make up counter? At a beading class? I don’t think a lot of guys frequent these places.

Some women don’t want to vary their routine at all to see if they can meet a guy. Why not take a class on something that interests you but is guy dominated? I once took a class on auto mechanics because I wanted to know more about how my car ran and minor maintenance I could do. There was only one other woman in the class. I didn’t date anyone from the class, but at the time I was going with someone.

I don’t have a recipe for how to find suitable guys. But I do know if you only go to work, Curves, quilting class and stay home watching TV or DVDs, I doubt he’s going to find you. Unless he’s the pizza delivery guy, your mail carrier or the UPS delivery man.

So don’t complain if you don’t win the guy lottery. You have to buy a ticket or not even God can help you.

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3 responses to “You have to buy your dating ticket”

  1. bookyone Avatar

    Hi DG,

    You have made some excellent points here. Reading this, I am reminded that I need to get out more in order to meet people. Unfortunately, I have been cursed with an extra bad case of body image blues and shyness and the combination of the two really has me down and less than eager to get out there and circulate. Every time I think about dating again, there is this nasty little voice in the back of my head that whispers things like, “you’re too old,” or “you’re too fat,” or “look at those wrinkles, who’d want to be seen in public with you?” Why is it that I feel I have to look like a supermodel in order to find a decent guy? Is it true that guys only care about a woman’s looks when it comes to dating and relationships, or has it just been my misfortune to date shallow, egocentric losers over the years?

    Perhaps you could write a column addressing the body image insecurities of middle aged daters and how we might be able to deal with them (or better yet banish them altogether) while dating and relating to the opposite sex.

    Best wishes from bookyone 🙂

    PS – Good luck with your current beau, he sounds like a keeper.

  2. Callebaut Avatar

    While it’s obvious that you’re not going to meet a guy at Curves or the makeup counter, I also haven’t meet them at wine tastings or sailing classes or ski trips. I live in a major city, am out constantly and never meet any guys. Are attractive, successful single men over 40 an urban myth?

  3. Stan Avatar

    Won’t claim I’m attractive, but I am successful, single, and over 40! You’re going to run into me at a meeting of my outdoor/mountaineering club (in fact this month I’m giving the talk!) or on one of their trips, or at the native plant society, which has hot science women, heh-heh. There’s also a plastic modelling club that I’ve been to meetings of, 98% men, but almost too geeky even for me.