You’ve been dating a guy for a little while — no more than a month. You get along great, enjoy your time together, and perhaps have had a sleepover (or two). But you’re just getting to know each other, and you aren’t even sure if you’re interested in him long-term, although you enjoy his company….
Month: May 2007
Is his toothbrush in your cabinet too soon?
Does the guy you’re dating leave personal items at your place — without asking? Two men have done this at my house. The latest was after a second sleepover, but unbeknownst to me. During his third visit I asked if he wanted a toothbrush or if he brought one. He said, “I left one here…
Does your guy have friends?
A guy’s friends — or lack thereof — tells you a lot about him. After you’ve dated a guy a time or two, mentions of his friends often waft into the conversation. When you hear him talk about both male and female friends, it is a good sign — at least it can be, depending…
Does he share your POV?
POV — That’s film-industry shorthand for “point of view shot.” When the camera shows what a character sees, that’s their POV. We see the scene through their eyes. Wouldn’t it be great if we could occasionally see our date’s POV? To access his perspective, how he sees things? And wouldn’t you like to share your…
Fun midlife date ideas
In today’s San José Mercury News, I was quoted in an article on “Summer’s Worth of Dates: 13 Places to go for Romantic Rendezvous.” The reporter, Mark de la Vina, has interviewed me for other articles, so we began by exploring why so many people’s primary idea for a date seems to be dinner and…
Are you out of his league — or he yours?
“I’m out of your league” sounds so snooty, snotty, and superior. You’re looking down your nose at the other, saying he isn’t good enough for you. A potential suitor once emailed me, “You’re so far out of my league that I wouldn’t be allowed in the stadium where your league plays. I can only play…
Ignore dating rule #1 at your peril
Rule #1 actually applies to life, not just dating. It earned its exalted status as #1 during a family reunion. It was day two of the three-day reunion. Already those with “strong” (e.g., obnoxious) personalities were starting to get to some of us. A handful of us met for breakfast just to have some non-irritating…
Host a singles mingle
A pal is having a divorce party soon when his paperwork is final. His divorce was amicable, so he would be celebrating his new-found singledom. I suggested it might be fun to turn it into a singles mingle event. He said, “That would be boring, as I’d have a house full of guys.” Me: “You…
Are you assessing — or judging — your date?
These terms are often used interchangeably. However, I see a difference. Assessing is when you notice things about him. He’s 6-feet tall, blue eyed, with dark curly hair. He has a little paunch, slouches, and interrupts often. He makes eye contact and speaks clearly. Judging is when you put a value on what you see….
Are you date sated — or hungry?
Sate: satisfy (a desire or an appetite) to the full; supply (someone) with as much as or more of something than is desired or can be managed. You know not to grocery shop when you are hungry as you’ll be tempted to take home things that aren’t really good for you. The same is true…
Expressing your upset with your guy
When conflict occurs in a personal relationship, it’s easy to blame the other. In my communication seminars I teach a 4-step method* for telling someone you’re upset with something they’ve done or said. The second step is “Express how you feel.” We give the participants the sentence stem, “When you …, I feel ….” Even…