Are you date sated — or hungry?

Sate: satisfy (a desire or an appetite) to the full; supply (someone) with as much as or more of something than is desired or can be managed.

shopping cartYou know not to grocery shop when you are hungry as you’ll be tempted to take home things that aren’t really good for you.

The same is true in dating.

When you are “hungry” — lonely, bored, horny — you respond to or make contact with men who you normally wouldn’t find appealing. You go on coffee dates with guys you know you don’t have an ounce of interest in just for something to do. You may accept a second date invitation if he isn’t odious. When you’ve had your dating “fill” you have to awkwardly disengage, declining additional dates, leaving the guy bewildered at what happened.

However, if you’re seeing someone you like, even if it isn’t serious, no one online looks appealing. If you receive regular emailed matches you automatically hit delete or give them a quick scan. No one entices you to respond or make contact. You are date sated.

You can also be disinterested in dating when you are satiated by other activities in life. If your appetite for affection, attention, and activities is quenched from other sources, you are not drawn to potential dates. You ignore winks, emails and maybe even phone calls. You have pushed yourself away from the dating table. You say, “Thank you, but I’m full.”

Shortly after experiencing a difficult break up, I binged on my matches like a starving woman who hadn’t had a morsel in months. I contacted men to whom I normally wouldn’t have been drawn. I met them for coffee, and then had to send the “We’re not a match” email afterwards. I was not being discerning — devouring everything that was put before me. And while I believe in experimenting, just like at a buffet, and at least “tasting” (meeting) men who are the least bit appealing, I guzzled coffee dates as if it were my last chance to meet anyone.

Notice how you feel about dating right now. Are you ravenousness? Slightly hungry? Or satisfied? This will determine how you approach dating.

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3 responses to “Are you date sated — or hungry?”

  1. Bookyone Avatar

    Hi DG,

    Interesting article. While I’m certainly not sated by any means, I have been able to fill the relationship void in my life with work, friends and penpals. Would I like to date again one day? Sure. Will I realistically date again in the near future? Absolutely not. I’ve been torn up verbally one too many times for comfort by average Joes who think it’s their God given right to date a beauty queen and not an ugly but big hearted woman like me. As these are the type of scum I attract, I figure I’m better off without them, apparently the good guys are too blinded by superficial physical beauty to give an ugly gal like me a chance as well. Right now, repairing my heart while enjoying the company of those who care for me instead of tearing me down is what’s really important to me.

    Best wishes from bookyone 🙂

  2. Casey Dawes Avatar

    A good tool to have when dating is a list of wants and don’t wants from a man. Creating this list BEFORE you start dating is useful. Of course, you need to separate desires from the absolute bottom line.

    That said, the sentiment in this blog is well-put. It’s important to do something different when you are lonely — other than pick up with the first person who seems remotely interested in you.

    Bookyone, I hope that in your future you stop referring to yourself as “ugly.” Being big-hearted starts with you — treat yourself better!

  3. Ellen Avatar

    Ah, nice post. The problem is that, when I’m not hungry I still might eat something that’s not good for me, like dessert. I might have a busy, happy, fulfilling life, and I still might pick a guy based on something that I still need to fix in me! Maybe we can determine our own health based on who we attract and choose to change and/or grow from that information!

    I talked about you and this post on my own blog

    Thanks for your helpful words! Ellen