At my professional association’s conference, a long-single man I’ve known 10+ years stepped up his flirting with me. He’s significantly younger, shorter, and geographically undesirable, as well as other characteristics that make us not a good match, but we’re pals and dancing buddies. At one of the informal events, I was lying on my side on the grass talking to some friends. I felt someone slide in behind me to spoon and slip an arm around my waist. It was him.
Although I was surprised, I didn’t let on. Since he was a pal, I didn’t want to overreact and say what I wanted: “What the hell are you doing?” I just said hello and continued chatting. I wasn’t sure what else to do. After a few minutes, he moved on.
I shared the story with a gal pal later asking for her input to help me understand what happened. Was he just trying to get a quick full-body fix? Was he trying to be flirty? Was this his version of making a pass? Since it was clear to me we weren’t a match, was he unclear on this or just playing?
Her insight was priceless. As the mother of two teenaged boys, she put it in perspective. “My sons tell me, ‘Sometimes, Mom, any booty will do.’” Ah, so being pressed up next to a booty — even a fully clothed one — is better than no booty contact. And perhaps he was thinking it might entice me to share more intense booty that night.
I now keep this lesson in mind when I’m finding out about a man before meeting. I want to know how long it’s been since his last girlfriend. If more than 6 months, I know he probably hasn’t had recent regular affection, so may feel a bit deprived. (Of course, he could have had a series of short-term booty calls in between.) So I’m a bit more skeptical if he is affectionate on the first few dates, as perhaps he’s just trying to scratch a long-overdue itch. I’ve learned not to take it as a sign that he is besotted with me. I enjoy the attention and affection, but try not to read into it, nor let it go too far.