A dating friend asked if there were any new interesting men on the horizon as I reenter the dating scene after the meltdown. I shared that an intriguing sounding man showed up in my Chemistry.com matches. He’s a graduate school professor at a nearby internationally renowned university. I said, “Even if we’re not attracted to each other after meeting, I think he’d make a fascinating coffee date.”
She said, “Your attitude always amazes me. I wouldn’t think of meeting with someone just because he sounds interesting. I look for signs of shared values, background, interests, sense of humor or other indications we might be a match.”
When looking at an online dating profile, it’s hard to tell much of anything about the man. But if there are several elements that you find interesting, why not at least respond to the match?
In some ways I approach dating like a buffet. When I partake in a smorgasbord, I’m interested in tasting some new dishes, trying things I probably wouldn’t order from a menu. The same with men. I use online dating as a way to meet men who sound interesting. And just like at a buffet, I take a small taste — a coffee meeting — to see if I want more. If I like what I’ve sampled, I can usually go back for more (a second date).
Knowing you aren’t making a commitment for a whole meal before you know if you’ll like it makes it easier to try new dishes (men). You can allow yourself to experiment. If you never thought you’d like a bald man but never dated one, try a man who seems a match on many items but happens to be hairless. Thought you had a limit for a man’s height? Try an extra-tall guy if all else seems good.
Now, just like a buffet, you can get heartburn if you taste too many options in a short time. Balancing men, just like balancing an overloaded plate, is tricky. So only take on what you know you can juggle. Once you find something you like it is sometimes hard to not want to continue tasting. But at some point you decide you’ve had your fill of new dishes and choose one favorite.
I’ve expanded my choices by being willing to try something different. Know that there are abundant possibilities available and you can perhaps uncover a new taste treat you wouldn’t have found if you weren’t willing to experiment.
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