Another Internet dater shared that a guy she’d met online called and set a coffee date at 1:00 the following Monday. A little later, he called her again, apparently thinking she was a different woman, and set a 3:00 coffee date for the same day.
She was incensed. She told him off and canceled both dates.
I didn’t see why she was so angry. I’ve occasionally had two dates on the same day. So I asked her why she was upset.
She said he was a “power dater” and by having such close dates, it wouldn’t let them get to know each other. He’d have to run to his second date (if he’d made it with another woman) after just an hour. She was insulted that he wasn’t willing to give the 1:00 date with her more time.
Some dating books suggest that the first meeting be preplanned to last no more than an hour. The philosophy is that if you’re having a great time, it will allow you both to reflect on the date afterward and look forward to the next one. If you let a first date go on too long, and you both like each other, a sort of honeymoon energy can develop where you only see the positives.
“What’s wrong with that?” you ask.
I’ve had five-hour coffee dates. And I’ve experienced what the books discuss. I’ve become enamored with someone during that first date. While the feeling is exquisite to be in that state of bliss, in retrospect I see that I felt too close too fast. Things progressed too quickly that I should have allowed to take more time.
How would you feel if you knew your coffee date had another right after you? Would you be upset? Do you see anything wrong with scheduling two dates in the same day? How long do you think a first-meeting date should last?