Are you a power dater? Would you be upset with one?

Another Internet dater shared that a guy she’d met online called and set a coffee date at 1:00 the following Monday. A little later, he called her again, apparently thinking she was a different woman, and set a 3:00 coffee date for the same day.

She was incensed. She told him off and canceled both dates.

I didn’t see why she was so angry. I’ve occasionally had two dates on the same day. So I asked her why she was upset.

She said he was a “power dater” and by having such close dates, it wouldn’t let them get to know each other. He’d have to run to his second date (if he’d made it with another woman) after just an hour. She was insulted that he wasn’t willing to give the 1:00 date with her more time.

Some dating books suggest that the first meeting be preplanned to last no more than an hour. The philosophy is that if you’re having a great time, it will allow you both to reflect on the date afterward and look forward to the next one. If you let a first date go on too long, and you both like each other, a sort of honeymoon energy can develop where you only see the positives.

“What’s wrong with that?” you ask.

I’ve had five-hour coffee dates. And I’ve experienced what the books discuss. I’ve become enamored with someone during that first date. While the feeling is exquisite to be in that state of bliss, in retrospect I see that I felt too close too fast. Things progressed too quickly that I should have allowed to take more time.

How would you feel if you knew your coffee date had another right after you? Would you be upset? Do you see anything wrong with scheduling two dates in the same day? How long do you think a first-meeting date should last?

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4 responses to “Are you a power dater? Would you be upset with one?”

  1. Linda Avatar

    Hi DG. This doesn’t have anything to do with your current posting, however I need some advice. I wrote to you sometime ago and told you about a man who I had met on a dating website, and we had a very long relationship, shared lives, photos, phone calls, etc., then he disappeared, after telling me he had a terminal disease. I really need your help. I have found him on another website and it appears he’s one of these men who moves from one dating site to another, looking for women to meet. He’s obviously not ill, not dying, and I want to know how to expose him. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

  2. Elena Avatar

    We are talking about the very first meeting, right? If that’s the case, I would feel relieved if I knew my coffee date had another date planned after our meeting. It makes it so much easier to have a time limit to that first meeting. I’ve thought about doing this myself and I wouldn’t be offended or insulted if I knew that the guy was doing this on the first date. Keeps expectations low and makes that first meeting less anxiety inducing.

  3. Bruce Daley Avatar

    Gee Linda, it sounds to me like the guy does have a terminal illiness because you are likely to kill him if you two ever meet. Then again you might have to stand in line.

  4. mary Avatar

    hi linda! about your terminal ill ex boyfriend…lol people have to learn to be honest. Id set him up for a meeting with another profile….one that is generic enough to open the doors to other possiblilities…but well enough to snag the bugger…then meet up with him and hand him his eulogy!!! good luck and jave fun!