Midlife women sometimes passionately, convincingly, compellingly tell me why no man would be interested in dating them. “Men aren’t interested in a woman like me who has wrinkles, bags, extra pounds and hot flashes,” she may start. “They’re only interested in girls half their age. And forget anyone wanting a feisty, intelligent, educated woman like me. They are too threatened by us,” she continues. And if I let her, she’ll go on. And on. And on.
“Argue your limitations and they are yours.”
The more you argue why no one would be interested in you, the more you convince yourself. Then you close yourself off from anyone who is the slightest bit interested. The 50-ish man who talked to you at length at the party the other night? He was very nice, funny, intelligent, and even kinda cute, but he wouldn’t be interested in someone like you. No, you’re sure of that. In fact, you saw him later talking to a 30-something beauty. But he left alone you noticed.
What about that friend of your co-worker’s who you met at her birthday bash? He was really fun and you enjoyed bantering with him. But he was a successful executive and ran marathons, so he would probably have disdain for your out-of-shape body.
The interesting owner of your favorite restaurant? You frequent it regularly, and he’s always nice, even flirty. But you’re sure he’s just doing that because you’re his customer. He probably has a girlfriend, but you know he’s not married because he’s not wearing a wedding ring. Besides, he’d probably rather be with a foodie — someone who understands his business.
Do you ever hear yourself having similar conversations in your mind? You are arguing your limitations. You are stopping any possibility of getting to know these guys better and perhaps going out, even if just for coffee. And if you suggest coffee and he says he’s in a relationship, so what? You’ve made his day by showing he’s attractive, and even if the relationship isn’t revealed until during coffee, you may have a new great pal.
So if you hear yourself arguing for your limitations, tell yourself to stop it immediately. Remind yourself you would be an interesting companion for a number of men. And open yourself up to the possibilities.
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