Are you buff buddies?

buff femaleYou love working out. You are proud of your taut, fit body. You feel poorly if you don’t exercise for a day. You have made this a priority in your life.

How do you feel if you have a coffee date with someone who may not share your zest for exercise? Do you dismiss him summarily, even if he has a viable excuse like a recent injury or surgery? Perhaps he’s not obese, but clearly isn’t an exercise fiend. Do you bid him adieu, or give him a little slack, thinking you can include hikes, walks, dancing and other physical activities in future dates to help him get in shape?

buff male I am on the other side of this scenario. Frequently I receive emails from men whose profiles wax on about their everyday fitness regimen, perhaps accompanied by pics of their shirtless, buff selves. I am intimidated by these guys, thinking they will reject my midlife-looking body, which gets regular exercise, but has not been whipped into bathing-suit form.

So if a gym rat, marathon runner, century-riding cyclist or mountain climber inquires, I may respond, but not enthusiastically. I am afraid of a repeat of that horrible feeling when you first meet someone and you can see on his face he’s disappointed. A perfunctory, requisite 20-minute coffee chat ensues, sometimes painfully, as you know you’re marking time until one of you excuses him/herself gracefully.

What if a buff babe wants to keep seeing you and you know you’re not his equal when it’s time to reveal all? Do you put off the event as long as possible until you’re sure he won’t be repelled by your less-than-taut thighs — or other body parts that have been shifted by gravity? Or do you talk about your different fitness levels and invite him to do physical activities that will help you become more fit — even if you know it will be a lower pace than he’s used to?

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4 responses to “Are you buff buddies?”

  1. bookyone Avatar

    Hi DG,

    Welcome back! ๐Ÿ™‚

    You remember that old song, “I can’t dance, don’t ask me,” etc., etc., well if you substitute hike, bike, swim, aerobicize, yoga, power lift or pretty much any other form of movement that causes sweat or exertion of any kind, that about sums up my attitude towards exercise. I’d be just as happy to meet another couch potato, in fact I’d prefer a lazy Leonard to some fitness Nazi who takes his workouts more seriously than the latest TV programs or even where we’re going to meet for dinner; (oh, and if he’s a health nut/anti-food and no, I don’t consider lettuce, celery or Power Bars food, then, as we say in old New Yawk, fuggedaboutit)!

    There’s only one problem with this attitude and that is that I have a terrible time meeting guys who are as into the couch potato lifestyle as I am. I’ve heard all the running jokes about fat lazy hubbies who balance beer cans on their navels while watching the sports shows ad nauseum, but in real life, most of the single guys I meet either on or offline are so busy touting the wonders of their latest exercise routines that they never seem to notice the inevitable eyeball rolling that accompanies their self-absorbed monologues. Or maybe they do and that’s why I don’t get too many second dates…

    Anywho, give me a guy who reads Steinbeck or Hemingway, Frost or Fitzgerald (or who even knows who they are) over a muscle bound Neanderthal any day of the week; and if he’s handy with the cooking, then so much the better. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hugs from bookyone ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Another Ellen Avatar
    Another Ellen

    Welcome back, DG. We missed you (as much as we love the Manslations guy)

    As a middle-aged woman who can hold my own among the buff, I can tell you that you DON’T WANT a guy who sends you pics of his pecks, and you certainly don’t want to feel bad if he doesn’t want you. I hate to generalize, but I speak from experience in saying that these guys don’t have a whole lot else to offer. Their conversations tend to consist of 1) how far, 2) how fast, 3) how heavy, 3) how often, and 4) with what equipment. Ick. Be your smart, well-rounded (pun intended) self and you’ll find the ones who want you.

  3. Dating Goddess Avatar
    Dating Goddess

    Thanks Bookyone and Another Ellen! I love your perspective, and Ellen, you’re right, I will hold out for those who love my curves. There are plenty of men who do!

  4. yeoww Avatar

    Hey there! I’ve been following your posts for a short time now and as a middle-aged woman (54) re-entering the dating world after decades, I have to say that you’ve managed to speak to many of my concerns, this being one them! At my age, nothing on me is saluting the sun even though I’m very slender, but I’m okay with it. I wear shorts, I wear swimsuits and although I don’t look like Kate Moss or Pamela Anderson I feel pretty good about myself. Maybe that’s because I know there’s so much more to me than a firm bod? I’ve met men whose focus is on their abs, pecs, delts and other abbreviated body parts and I find that often, there’s not a whole lot else going on with these guys. I don’t mean to generalize but this has been my experience.

    So, while I wouldn’t write someone off who sent me a picture of his sixpack, some red flags would go off and my interest wouldn’t be as high as it would be in someone who seemed more well-rounded (no pun intended).