Are you too clingy?

by Dating Goddess on August 14, 2014

“Clingy” has different definitions to different people. Some like their space, while others like to be continually touching when together. Others like to show their affection often and in public and some are more reserved.

With this in mind, I watched as I spent time with a couple of six months. She was continually touching him, and frequently mentioning how much she loves him and what an amazing man he is. He didn’t initiate any physical contact nor verbal affection. While he didn’t recoil at her touch and comments, nor did he smile or reciprocate. It seemed totally one way.

Perhaps he shows his affection in private, telling her the things she needs to hear when they’re alone.

In my eyes, she came across clingy, nearly cloying.

Clearly, if he didn’t like her affection, he wouldn’t still be with her at the 6-month mark. And his lack of public affection doesn’t seem to slow her down. So something is working.

But it did make me wonder how long one would tolerate an affection style so different than one’s own. I’ve heard stories of long-married couples who have very different ways of expressing caring. There are, of course, the five love languages and we don’t always want to receive love the same way we give it.

Generally, I like PDA, but there have been times that someone crossed the boundary. The guy who, on the first date, stopped me mid-stride on a busy street and started making out with me. He had pressed me against a wall so I couldn’t easily disengage without pushing him. Or another who stoked me arm non-stop — I felt like he was petting me.

Part of dating successfully is finding a balance of what you like and what the other likes and gently informing them when they are crossing your comfort line. I don’t know if the aforementioned couple had done this or not.

How did you let someone know when he has been clingy? And if you’ve even been this way, what did your partner do to help you see this?
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather August 14, 2014 at 2:25 pm

Interesting. You would think that if he is not a demonstrative person, he might be uncomfortable with her display, and she might feel unloved at his lack of affection. But, maybe not. I went out with a guy who kept trying to pull me onto his lap. This would be fine with close friends, but in a group of strangers it came across as possessive and controlling. I have to admit it doesn’t always occur to me to take someone’s hand, and men have sometimes commented. Maybe, it’s a need to not appear too dependent – to keep separate. If the relationship is going somewhere, it would need to be addressed.

Anonymous December 1, 2014 at 4:08 pm

I wonder just how many single people are single because they are too clingy? There should be a dating site for clingy people. I know I’d use it.

Anonymous December 6, 2014 at 1:02 pm

OMG, yes. I can’t help but be so clingy. Is clingy a bad thing? It’s worked for me so far.

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