I’ve been surprised when men become smitten with me without yet meeting me. Perhaps we’ve had some interesting emails and phone calls, and they begin professing their love — or lust — for me. It’s happened enough times, I’ve decided they fall for the fantasy. When I was first dating, it happened to me. Now I’m more savvy.
It is easy to fall for someone absent the reality. You only have blurry or old photos, a few hours — at most — of phone conversation, and some emails. Until you meet, you don’t really know if there is a spark, or if there is some annoying habit that is a deal breaker.
A few weeks ago I was contacted on a Tues. by guy #57. He was intelligent, successful, tall, nice looking, articulate. We talked by email and phone a few times over the next few days. He was flirty and suggestive, even sending one erotic email — all before we’d even met. I warned him that reality was never as good as fantasy.
We set up a drink date for Friday. I dressed in nice, sexy casual. He arrived looking nothing like his picture. However, we had good conversation, and he asked if I’d like to stay for dinner. This is a good sign. We continued talking about personal history, divorce stories, business, world events. He walked me to the car and left with a hug and quick kiss.
I wrote him a nice “thank you” email, as I always do, saying I’d be happy to see him again if he’d like. He sent me a “nice evening; we’re not a match” response.
So how did he get from erotic emails to we’re not a match? Whatever he fantasized about me wasn’t a match for the reality. I have recent, full-length pictures posted in my profile, so he saw what I looked like. So somewhere along the way his fantasy fire was extinguished.
Now when I hear someone going overboard before meeting, I know it’s a yellow flag. Best to reserve your assessment until you’ve actually been with someone, and then you need to see them a few times before their “real” self begins to emerge.