How does a man earn “boyfriend points” with you? Does he get points when he calls, takes you out, says nice things, brings you flowers? How about opens the door, helps with your coat, takes you to your favorite restaurant, compliments you, plans fun activities? Or acts with integrity, is kind to strangers, pets dogs and cats, and makes you laugh?
In “What’s your date’s score on the Delight/Disappointment Scale?” I shared how to track how you felt after and in between dates with a guy. However, we didn’t track individual acts. We also explored this concept a bit in “Tracking your date’s score” but again didn’t assign specific point values. Boyfriend points are in the same ball park, but slightly different.
John Gray says that a man gets points for each thoughtful thing he does for his woman. He says that instead of bringing his wife a dozen roses, he brings her one at a time over a series of days. Then he gets points for each act, whether it’s one rose or a dozen. It’s John’s opinion that a man gets a point, in essence, for each demonstration that he was thinking of his woman and wanted to do something that pleased her.
My sweetie likes to gather boyfriend points. He doesn’t ask what an individual act earns, but mentions that he wants to earn as many boyfriend points as possible. If he does something that he thinks I won’t like, he asks if he’s lost points. He never has.
Interestingly, if a man has banked enough points, the minor challenges don’t really affect the bank account. He has earned grace with his steady thoughtfulness, kindness, and demeanor. So on the Delight/Disappointment Scale there would be a straight line, not a dip, even though the act wasn’t a positive one. So if he occasionally walks in front of you, goes through the door first, doesn’t help you with your coat, it’s no big deal, as he nearly always does. No loss of points since it’s a rarity
I haven’t figured out how many points are earned by what acts. I know what behaviors I like, so they get points, but all acts don’t earn the same number of points. Maybe collectively we DG readers need to come up with a point guide so guys will know what will earn and cost them points, as well as how many. So, for example, if he’s 20 minutes late and doesn’t call, that costs him 10 points. But bringing you flowers earns him 20 points, so he’s made up for it. Of course, we’d all have different point assignments since we all value an act differently. But we could come up with a list and suggested point values, then each woman could adjust it based on her preferences.
What are some acts that earn points in your book, and how many points would you assign specific acts? I’d be curious to see what other women value and how much. And of course, the guys could come up with their own version.
Technorati Tags: dating Internet, dating online, senior dating, bbw dating, mature dating, dating over 50, dating over 40, online dating advice, dating after 40, dating after 50, over 40 dating, 40+ dating, dating after forty