How does a man earn “boyfriend points” with you? Does he get points when he calls, takes you out, says nice things, brings you flowers? How about opens the door, helps with your coat, takes you to your favorite restaurant, compliments you, plans fun activities? Or acts with integrity, is kind to strangers, pets dogs and cats, and makes you laugh?
In “What’s your date’s score on the Delight/Disappointment Scale?” I shared how to track how you felt after and in between dates with a guy. However, we didn’t track individual acts. We also explored this concept a bit in “Tracking your date’s score” but again didn’t assign specific point values. Boyfriend points are in the same ball park, but slightly different.
John Gray says that a man gets points for each thoughtful thing he does for his woman. He says that instead of bringing his wife a dozen roses, he brings her one at a time over a series of days. Then he gets points for each act, whether it’s one rose or a dozen. It’s John’s opinion that a man gets a point, in essence, for each demonstration that he was thinking of his woman and wanted to do something that pleased her.
My sweetie likes to gather boyfriend points. He doesn’t ask what an individual act earns, but mentions that he wants to earn as many boyfriend points as possible. If he does something that he thinks I won’t like, he asks if he’s lost points. He never has.
Interestingly, if a man has banked enough points, the minor challenges don’t really affect the bank account. He has earned grace with his steady thoughtfulness, kindness, and demeanor. So on the Delight/Disappointment Scale there would be a straight line, not a dip, even though the act wasn’t a positive one. So if he occasionally walks in front of you, goes through the door first, doesn’t help you with your coat, it’s no big deal, as he nearly always does. No loss of points since it’s a rarity
I haven’t figured out how many points are earned by what acts. I know what behaviors I like, so they get points, but all acts don’t earn the same number of points. Maybe collectively we DG readers need to come up with a point guide so guys will know what will earn and cost them points, as well as how many. So, for example, if he’s 20 minutes late and doesn’t call, that costs him 10 points. But bringing you flowers earns him 20 points, so he’s made up for it. Of course, we’d all have different point assignments since we all value an act differently. But we could come up with a list and suggested point values, then each woman could adjust it based on her preferences.
What are some acts that earn points in your book, and how many points would you assign specific acts? I’d be curious to see what other women value and how much. And of course, the guys could come up with their own version.
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After 3 years of dating, I find I start assuming each guy is a good one, so they lose points rather than win points. For example, if you say you’re coming at 7:00, I expect that. But if you don’t show up, call to say you are late, call again to say you’ll just be a little bit later, you’re losing points like water through a sieve. Someone should treat me like a human and not get points for that. It’s all up to them to lose.
My boyfriend gets points for calling me, for taking me to work, for listening to me, for holding me, for letting me cry, for making dinner or for helping out with dinner. And what he doesn’t know is yes he gets many many points everytime he satisfies me in bed. So far there has never been a day he has not satisfied me. He has quite a bunch of points built up.
Sharon