Can too much spoiling be bad?

A man contacted me whose online name is the equivalent of Wuss4U. I laughed, as I thought it must be a joke. I read his profile:

“I seek an aggressive woman who wants to take charge and call the shots. I am meek and mild, shy. I need a strong, forceful woman to dominate me. Tell me where to go and what to do. I will do as you say without any back talk or lip. Age, height, weight are not important. If you are interested, please wink or email me as I am probably too timid to approach you first. I am hoping for a LTR or marriage.

“It would be fun just to be with you. You pick the movie. You control the TV remote. You choose the restaurant. Just let me bask in your presence and serve your desires. Where would you like to go? I will be happy to go with you and look after you needs.

“My favorite thing is treating you like a princess. Your pleasure and delight is most important to me.”

Is this a joke? (I realize there is a whole subculture for those interested in dominance/submission. Those people are usually listed on specialized sites, not mainstream ones.) For discussion sake, let’s assume he’s serious and not just kinky.

Some men think women want a man to cater to her every whim. To kowtow to her. To be subservient. I know few — if any — women who desire this. This man has taken to extreme a woman’s desire to be appreciated and receive attention, and yes, get what she wants equally with doing what he wants. We all desire someone who pays attention to what we like and works to give that to us. It works both ways.

Control issues can be a problem, no matter the gender. What about give-up-control issues? Would you like to be with someone who only cared about what you wanted? Only did what you wanted? On one level it would seem perfect — at least for those who really only want someone to accompany them on their desired outings.

Part of the allure of having a relationship is seeing life from another’s perspective, experiencing what gives them joy, and perhaps expanding your own horizons. I know I’ve enjoyed this part of dating. I like it when men take me into a world I wouldn’t have sought to discover on my own. Sometimes I’ve liked the new experience; sometimes I’ve said, “Once was enough.”

So how would you like being with Wuss4U? Would that be your idea of nirvana or hell?

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12 responses to “Can too much spoiling be bad?”

  1. Kvetch Avatar

    Sounds creepy to me.

  2. Susan Avatar

    Flowers on occasion and being interested in me and my interests = good. Subservient, drooling all over my every word (as brilliant as they all are) = bad. That would annoy me to no end. Blech. And it is creepy, as Kvetch said.

  3. Kari Avatar

    This one is so funny!

    He is either a) very, very bitter and his tongue is in his cheek b) lives at home with his mommy and wants another one or c) into leather and whips or d) he has an odd sense of humour and hopes someone with similar humour will get it.

    Email him and find out more. We have just got to know!

    Kari x

  4. Mitsy Avatar

    I think some independence with both males and females is attractive. There is a fine line between being extreme on either end. I have never wanted a guy who was subservient to me and I would not want to be subservient to him either. Some balance and equality is what a lot of women want and I certainly fall into that category. Add to the mix, trust, morals, values, etc. There are a lot of elements to a good or great relationship. Having a guy who is so desperate that he will worship your feet is NOT what would entice me to want to be with him.

  5. Rod Avatar

    I read his profile and was trying to decide if this guy is ‘normal’ – and then I realized that my dog would have written almost exactly the same profile. Although my dog IS extremely attractive and ridiculously subservient, I have never thought of dating her.

  6. Fancy Red Lady Avatar
    Fancy Red Lady

    I have actually attracted a number of men who seem to have this same attitude, but of course didn’t voice it so openly!
    It may sound appealing and my friends have even said I must be crazy for not liking it, but after having this kind of worshipful relationship even a short time I found I was annoyed, irritated and overwelmed by his attentions.
    I purposely seek men who can hold their own for this very reason!
    I agree with Misty!

  7. hunter Avatar

    ……I used to be this way, somewhat. Since I quit being this way, I have more lady friends… is really, somewhat, confusing or maybe, the word is, illogical, in a man’s mind, that, oh, what is that called,,,,,,resistance,,,,, can be attractive to certain women….but it works……

  8. Elena Avatar

    The irony is that this creepy fellow is probably going to find his perfect match faster than some of us because his ad is so direct and explicit. Only women who fit the profile are likely to respond, ensuring him a better online batting average when all is said and done.

  9. hunter Avatar

    to elena..


  10. bookyone Avatar

    After all the emotionally abusive idiots I’ve dated over the past 20 years or so, I’d love to meet a guy who’d treat me like gold. The trouble is, I don’t think he exists… 🙁

  11. hunter Avatar

    to bookyone,

    I am sorry to hear that…….

  12. sweetgal Avatar

    hahaha, like a joke! But may really consist in real life. I don’t like to dominate anyone or be dominated by others. Mutual respection is a must!