When conflict occurs in a personal relationship, it’s easy to blame the other. In my communication seminars I teach a 4-step method* for telling someone you’re upset with something they’ve done or said. The second step is “Express how you feel.” We give the participants the sentence stem, “When you …, I feel ….” Even…
Assessing your assets
Are you sending (or receiving) mixed messages?
You know what mixed messages are, but you may not be aware you’re sending them: You tell the guy you’re dating you want to move slowly, yet you try to seduce him on the third date. You claim you like to cook, but when you invite him over for a DVD you always ask him…
Removing your mask
Most of us wear a mask, presenting ourselves as we want people to perceive us, not only in dating but in life. We decide how much and how soon to reveal our true selves based on the connection and trust we have with another. If we are feeling safe enough to let our hair down,…
What do you think your date’s car says about him?
Some women judge a man by his car. If he drives an expensive car, she assumes he’s financially sound. But he could be hocked up to his eyeballs to pay for it. And men think a cool car equals sexiness. I met a potential suitor for coffee whose screen name was “Boxster.” I watched him…
Long-distance dating pros and cons
Some people set no distance requirements on potential suitors. One DG reader shared she was romanced by a guy half way around the world for over two years! (They never met and he went poof one day.) Other people have ridiculously short distance requirements. Some men list 10 miles as their dating radius in their…
Turn your liabilities into assets
Years ago I led a seminar on how to have a positive attitude at work. In the text, Attitude: Your Most Priceless Possession, author Elwood Chapman suggests employing the “Flipside Technique.” The concept is to take something not commonly considered good and reframe it as a positive, injecting a dose of humor when necessary. We’ll…
Does he “get” you?
The dictionary has many meanings for the word “get.” This discussion is about the informal term for “understand.” But I think “get” goes beyond just understanding. My friend author/speaker Larry Winget gave me a high compliment one day: “You’re one of the few people who really get me” he said after a conversation about his…
Which character exemplifies your dating style?
Several years ago women were regularly overheard talking about which “Sex and the City” character they were most like. I could never decide, as I saw some of each of them in myself. And while my blog writing has been compared to Carrie Bradshaw’s, I’m older than she. My musings are more like Carrie 15…
The money talk
My 63-year-old gal pal has been dating her 70-year-old boyfriend a few years. They recently returned from a fabulous vacation. I asked her how they worked out expense sharing. She said since he makes significantly more than she does, he pays for hotel, dinners, and other large expenses. She buys breakfasts and simple lunches. She…
How are you about receiving gifts from your guy?
It’s my birthday! Since my sweetie’s work week ends at noon today he’s flying in this afternoon to take me on a dinner/dance cruise and spend his “weekend” with me. But you already know how thoughtful he is. (See “The art of wooing is not dead.”) The other day he told me he’d been shopping…
Do men want feisty women?
I’ve recently become addicted to “Dancing with the Stars.” I know, I’m slow to join the onslaught of rabid fans. What pushed me over the top was Apolo Anton Ohno. What a luscious man! Although he’s only 24, one can still drool, yes? I got so enamored, I spent the evening watching this season’s previous…