At dinner, a date once exclaimed, “Girl, I’m glad you like to eat!” I immediately wondered if I was wolfing down my meal, or if I had ordered too much and he thought I was pigging out. After quickly assessing I’d done neither, I asked what he meant.
“A lot of women eat like birds saying they are trying to lose weight. I like to eat and like to be with a woman who enjoys food.
I replied that I liked food and worked to eat consciously, healthily and only until sated. I saw his message was not an insult, but from his perspective, a compliment.
It took me a while to accept that when a man called me “thick” it was not a criticism on being fat, but an appreciative pronouncement on my curves.I’ve learned that if I think a remark is an insult, but the facial expression and voice tone say otherwise, I need to not get upset, but instead non-defensively ask for clarification. Some terms actually mean the opposite of what you’d initially think. Remember Michael Jackson’s song “Bad”? This actually meant “good.”
What disguised compliments have you received? What did a date say to you that you at first thought wasn’t good, but then learned it was praise?
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That reminds me of when my roommate went out with a guy and came home pretty disappointed because he called her “short” (she’s only 5′), “Big Hair” (her hair is her crowning glory), and “yappy”.
Turns out he didn’t really mean them as derogatory, and 5 months later, they’re still going strong!
I, myself, probably wouldn’t have given him a second chance, but he immediately texted her after the date to say what a great time he had on the date.
Before I was married, I met and dated a very attractive Marine for a very short period of time. I’d met him through a co-worker, and he was attentive, smart, and seemed very interested in me.
But I severed the connection because of something he said that to this day I truly believe he considered a compliment…
We were sitting at lunch one day (he’d even brought a picnic lunch). He gazed soulfully into my eyes and proceeded to tell me how his last girlfriend, who was beautiful, had broken his heart, and how he’d decided that the next woman he dated was going to be plain because plain girls are more honest. And, he added, that’s why he’d been attracted to me – because I was plain.
We’d only been dating for about a month so I didn’t have a lot invested, thank heavens! But that’s the oddest disguised compliment I ever received.
Sherri
I was dating a man once who actually wanted to marry me. He was gazing at my face in a very loving way when he told me he could tell I took care of my skin because my wrinkles were so fine. I was 38 at the time!!
He really meant it as a sincere compliment but I found it was indicitive of how he expressed himself, bringing up things I’d just as soon not ponder! LOL
Fancy Red Lady