I had an epiphany today. It began with my being flummoxed that I hadn’t heard from Dreamboat after our dinner date Wed. where we decided we wanted to see each other again. We’d emailed a brief “had a great time with you” the next day and that was the last I’ve heard from him.
Perhaps I’m spoiled. But usually after a talk like “I want to see you again” I hear from the man within a day or two wanting to set up the next outing.
Based on my experience of him last year, I knew not to put all my beaus in one basket. So I continued emailing a man who’d contacted me early last week. He’d emailed me every day, and called Sat. to set up a coffee meeting for this Tuesday. In the emails he asked if I liked the theater, opera, hiking, and what kind of restaurants I liked. He suggested some outings and after our call, emailed that he’s looking forward to meeting me.
My epiphany was people have different rhythms in dating. Some think once/week contact is fine, others like daily emails and/or calls. Some like to go out once a week, others like two or three encounters each week. Some like it when you make plans in advance, ohters like spontaneous encounters.
I think it would be a good idea to clarify your preferences with someone once you decide you both want to start seeing each other. Otherwise you can be disappointed if they don’t naturally fall into your desired pattern of contact.
But since I have just had this epiphany, I haven’t actually tried this idea. I’m not sure when one would actually bring up this conversation. It might seem awkward on the first date, unless you are really being honest with each other about what you want in a relationship.
I like that the new guy is making regular contact, probing to find out what activities I’d like, and saying nice things. This may sound so “Duh” to you, but my experience is not many guys do this. I like that he seems to “get” dating. He seems to understand that dating can be more than just getting together for take out and a DVD, or dinner and a movie. While I haven’t even met the guy yet, I already like his rhythm.
So how do you broach the subject of expectations when first dating? Or have you had a guy broach it first?
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