A gal pal asked me, “How do your dates respond to your accomplishments?”
I responded, “Most don’t know about them.”
“Really? Why not?”
“Because I don’t tell them.”
“First of all, it’s not like I’m a Nobel laureate, Supreme Court judge, Academy Award nominee or brain surgeon. My accomplishments pale compared to other people I know.
“Secondly, some men are intimidated by my resume, even though I know others who have a much more impressive one. I don’t want to start out with someone being threatened. So I don’t bring up anything I think would be intimidating — at least generally not on the first date.
“Thirdly, I find it off putting when a guy recites his resume on the first date. It’s okay if something comes up in context of the conversation, say he comments, ‘I got used to feeling dumb when I felt I was the dumbest Rhodes scholar that year…’ or ‘When I was at Harvard, they had these silly hazings…’
“And fourth, some people would think I’m rich based on what they read on my web site. I’m not. I don’t want a gold digger.”
Metaphorically she’s right. I hide a bit of who I am at first. I am not meaning to be dishonest, but I dole out parts of who I am — including warts — as I get to know someone. I need to trust that he likes me for my personality, not only for my accomplishments. Of course I could argue that these make up a big part of who I am.
Rocket Man said he was at first intimidated by my web page listing of accomplishments. This from an Academy Award winning special effects producer who’s called a legend in the industry. He’s intimidated by me? We identify ourselves at some level by our achievements, even if we don’t flaunt them.
So if your accomplishments are integral to who you are, why hide them? I think we don’t want to drive someone away. We don’t want to seem that we are boasting. And we don’t want to be perceived as way beyond the other’s status. The truth is, achievements don’t always translate into economic assets. In fact, some say there is an “Oscar curse” where recipients have trouble getting work after winning, as others think they are too expensive for their projects.
Do you hide your “light” — your accomplishments — from dates? If so, when do you let out shafts of your light for him to see? If you do hide some of your light, why?