People often use the phrase, “He made me feel (bad, stupid, ugly, fat, angry, good, sexy, pretty).” The truth is, no one makes you feel anything. You choose to feel that way. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one makes you feel inferior without your consent.” And that goes for any other emotion.
However, you can react to someone in a way that you don’t like. He triggers something in you and you then respond a certain way — a way you don’t like. It is still a choice of how to behave, but sometime he sparks something so ingrained in you it doesn’t feel like you have a choice.
One of the checks for whether I want to be with a guy is how I behave around him. Do I like how I’m being? Or does he elicit behavior in me I don’t like — bitchiness, judgmental, pettiness, anger, irritation, manipulation. If I don’t like how I’m being, of course I can change. But that takes work. I want to be naturally giving, loving, caring, silly, relaxed, and honest. If these behaviors come easily, I know I want to spend more time with him. If I have to fight off the negative behaviors, he’s probably not for me.
Of course, negative triggers are sometimes good as they give you a chance to become aware of old patterns and tapes and work through the original wound. But if you’re continually acting in ways you don’t like or respect or aren’t proud of, time to move on. And maybe get some counseling along the way to see why you’d attract and invite someone into your life who treats you in a way that you respond in ways you don’t like. And to heal that old wound.
But if you find yourself being the kind of person you want to be then keep him around. His behavior allows you to be your best in his presence.
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