Do you project your life into the future with the guy you’ve just started dating — sometimes even before you’ve met? I’ve been guilty of this, as well as been on the receiving end.
Let me give you some examples:
- Yesterday I had a first coffee date with an award-winning professor at a local internationally renowned university. I knew he lived on campus, so I had already imagined what life would be like if I were to join him permanently. How delightful it would be to walk to the campus cultural events, lunch with visiting luminaries, and schmooze with world-famous lecturers.
- After one visit to a wealthy man’s home, I began to fantasize my life if we were to become a couple. I mentally claimed his rumpus room for my office, and imagined which furniture I’d keep and what I would move. Could I rent out my house when I moved into his with the beautiful view?
- When I briefly dated the Academy Award winning special-effects producer, I imagined attending private screenings, hobnobbing with the stars. On Oscar night, we’d get dolled up, then be swamped with photographers exiting the limo onto the red carpet. I’d be able to recreate his story of sipping martinis with Meryl Streep in the basement bar of the Kodak Theatre.
Do you do this? Or am I weird?* If you, too, fantasize life with a guy you barely know — or haven’t even met — why do you think we do this? Is it to explore one scenario of how life might be if we were to become an item? Is it to “test drive” a lifestyle? In my imagination, I don’t foresee the drudgery — cleaning house, cooking meals, etc. I only focus on the positive or glamorous aspects. Is this expressing a romanticized vision of a potential life together, knowing that life is never comprised of only stellar moments? Are we setting ourselves up for disappointment since life with another has downs as well as ups?
I’ve been on the receiving end when my last beau imagined getting a job in my area and moving in with me — without my asking him! Another sweetie was ready to move in his coffee maker after the first sleepover. He also declared that he would not live with me in my house, that we’d sell my house and buy a new one together. So it seems both genders partake in forecasting a future together.
* I asked a dating pal if she does this too, and when she assured me she does, I knew I wasn’t alone in this behavior.
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