Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40™

Do you put your dates through tests?

jump through hoopDo you make men jump through some hoops when dating you? What do I mean?

Some women will only date a man who:

  • makes the first contact.
  • treats her to dinner at a nice restaurant within the first few dates.
  • sends or brings her flowers within the first few dates.
  • calls her once a day.
  • showers her with compliments.
  • changes his schedule to accommodate her.
  • takes her on an expensive get away.
  • allows her to change his appearance or style.
  • starts to make long-rage plans with her.

The woman (AKA a diva) is insisting he play by her rules. She is not accommodating at all, but thinks she is such a prize that he must bow to her every demand. I have a few friends like this who are happily married so it must work in some cases. However, I think most men would be put off by such self-focused, demanding, spoiled behavior.

While I have some preferences, I don’t have demands, other than he behaves with integrity, consideration, confidence, communication and respect. Relationships involve compromise and you can’t — and shouldn’t — always get your way.

Do you have any tests you think are reasonable? One of mine is he must make contact periodically for me to know he’s interested. I don’t chase men. Once we’ve begun dating, I don’t mind initiating an email or call. But I don’t want to be the only one picking up the phone.

What are some of the tests for you?

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Comments

2 responses to “Do you put your dates through tests?”

  1. Marina Avatar
    Marina

    While I hope I’m not perceived as too demanding, I do expect the gentleman to pick up the tab for the first few dates. And while I don’t mind a man who is practical, there is such a thing as being too cheap. After a few dates I’ll invite him over for a home cooked meal to reciprocate. Or, if I know he really is on a tight budget, I’ll offer to go dutch.

    When I’m on a date I’m giving that man my complete time and attention, and I expect the same in return. That means he shows up on time, cell phones and pages are turned off, and, if we should happen to bump into a friend of his while were out, a brief introduction and a quick hello should suffice. He should never invite his firends to join us! Those first few dates I’m trying to get to know him, and the old saying of two’s company and threes a crowd applies.

    I do expect a man to respect me. And the ones who expect me to put out on the first or second date are history.

    Am I making him jump through too many hoops? I don’t think so. But we all have standards.

  2. bookyone Avatar
    bookyone

    Hi DG,

    I sure do, in fact I have a whole slew of them. It’s not that I consider myself such a prize, far from it, but I generally test the men I date early on, just to see how they react to being around a highly emotional person as this is the way I am; being an artistic sort I have a volatile temperament that is not always under my control. If they can understand and sympathize with my emotions, then even if we don’t make it as love partners they’ve got a friend for life in this crooked old spinster.

    Keep on writing, I love to read your blog as it’s always interesting, entertaining and most importantly thought provoking.

    Best wishes from bookyone 🙂