“Do you think you’re attractive?”

This was the first question asked by the radio host in a recent interview.

I paused to consider my answer.

“Some days yes; some days no” I responded truthfully.

The host responded, “I’ve found a lot of people wanting to date don’t think they are attractive. Which hampers their efforts to find someone to date.”

I agreed that not feeling attractive can get in the way of being datable. Studies repeatedly show single people say confidence is the most appealing characteristic in deciding to date someone or not. Feeling attractive contributes to one’s feeling confidence. I think that’s why most of us go to some effort to look our best on dates. We feel better about ourselves when we feel we look good. Even people who would not objectively be considered attractive seem to go up a notch or two if they carry themselves as if they like themselves.

Feeling attractive doesn’t necessarily have much to do with common ratings of attractiveness. A woman I know was Miss California and said she never felt pretty. Her first husband bullied her by telling her she needed to stay with him as her beauty would fade. So she stayed in an abusive marriage too long because she didn’t think she could find anyone else to love her.

What if you are a 5, 6, or 7 on a 10 point scale, with models being 10s? We all have assets we can play up, whether through make up, hair color/cut, eyeglasses style, or clothing. And of course, an upbeat attitude coupled with a sincere smile makes nearly everyone more attractive. I have a friend whose face was mostly burned when he was a young man. But he is charming, with a quick wit and winning smile and nearly always has a beautiful woman by his side. On an objective scale, he’d put himself at a 1. But he’s attractive because he doesn’t let his scars affect his sense of himself.

Before going on a date, ask yourself if you feel attractive. If there’s something that causes you to say “no” see if you can do something about it. If your hair seem mousy, consult a stylist for a new color or cut. Feel your clothes are unflattering? Make an appointment with a local department store’s personal shopper. Their services are usually free, and tell them your budget. They’ll help you find a new outfit or two that are more flattering. Need to lose a few pounds? Start walking or other exercise, and track what you eat so you can make better choices.

What if you’ve done everything you can to make yourself attractive, yet you’re still feeling unattractive? Then it’s mental. Get some counseling to see what beliefs are holding you back from completely embracing yourself. People love you, so ask them what they find lovable about you. Remind yourself of this every day until you see yourself the way they see you.

We’ve heard it before: beauty comes from within. If you don’t feel attractive, you’ll exude confidence and self-love. And those are irresistible!
Dating after 40: Assessing Your Assets: Why You’re A Great CatchWant more ideas on how you can feel more attractive? Get your copy of Assessing Your Assets: Why You’re A Great Catch


One response to ““Do you think you’re attractive?””

  1. Diane Avatar

    Your story about that man with the burned face is uplifting, and powerful. His confidence and personality were what those beautiful women found attractive. It’s a valuable lesson in building up your self-esteem, where you no longer worry about your perceived physical problems, for successful dating and relationships.