Does he mention you to his pals?

Most over-40 women have close pals with whom they frequently share their dating stories and woes. If she is at all interested in him, her gal pals know about a man soon after contact is made, even if just through an email. After a date, she may share the details with more than one close friend, or even her mother.

However, my midlife male dating pals tell me it is less common for them to share with their buddies that they are dating someone, and if they do, it takes longer for the information to come out than for women.

In fact, it’s common for a man to be uncomfortable when he hears the woman he’s seeing has talked about him to her friends or relatives. In some way it feels a bit constricting. He prefers that whatever they do and talk about is just between them. He doesn’t like that others know what they discussed, or are psychoanalyzing his behaviors.

Sally FieldA woman is thrilled when she learns the man she’s been seeing has told his friends about her. She feels that means he really likes her — just as Sally Field exclaimed those many years ago. “You like me. You really, really like me!” His sharing about you implies he has long-term intentions. And when he tells his mother about you — wow! That’s a big step.

Your ego is pumped up when you know you are being “bragged on” to others. It shows some sense of desired longevity in the relationship when others in your “tribe” are in on the adventure. My most recent past beau didn’t even tell his best friend about me, even though we dated for 2 months.

I realize some people are more secretive than others, and they are concerned that talking about a parade of people makes them seem like losers. Obviously, that’s not an issue for me!

Where are you on this issue? Do you tell your friends immediately upon receiving an interesting potential suitor’s contact? Or do you wait a while to share? Do you tell him you’ve shared about him, and if so, after how long dating?

And when you hear he’s mentioned you — either directly from him, or when you meet his friends and they say, “We’ve heard about you” — how do you feel? What if you’ve been dating regularly for a few months and the relationship seems to be progressing, and you learn he hasn’t mentioned you to his best friend? How do you feel then?

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4 responses to “Does he mention you to his pals?”

  1. Gatti Avatar

    He’s told everyone, I’ve told everyone. Yup, it’s great.

  2. Gatti Avatar

    Oh, and another thing. People are saying to both of us (without having heard about this relationship), “You’re looking really good!”. So being happy is definitely good for your face!

  3. Laura Avatar

    My last boyfriend didn’t tell anyone about me. FOR TWO YEARS. Well I learned that lesson the hard way. If they aren’t at least mentioning you after you become somewhat serious, I think there’s a huge problem.

  4. Aggressively Single Avatar
    Aggressively Single

    Bittersweet question. Last guy did talk about me to his friends excitedly, because he thought this could be something really special. And later he used as a reference, “but this is the kind of relationship you talk to your friends about!!” I had no idea this was really that signicant, and I’m afraid trivialized it. since I talk to my friends and family about most of the guys I meet. I didn’t realize men were so very different in this area, and this helps me to understand just how special this was. Thanks DG!!

    Gatti, you are so cute – I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!