“You’ve dated a lot of men now. You’ve been seeing a terrific guy. Why don’t you just decide to focus on him and settle down?” My friend was concerned with my playing the field and thought I would be better off just choosing one man on whom to focus.
“But if I know he’s not yet lighting my fire, aren’t I settling? I want to be excited by my man. I like this man a lot; we have a lot in common. I’m glad when I know I’m going to see him, but not excited.”
“Then why do you still see him?”
“I’m testing the theory that you can become more excited about a guy after you get to know him well. Some say it’s true. I haven’t experienced that before. He’s too good a guy to not at least give it a try.
“We have both stated that we’re not yet in love. We are building a foundation of friendship. So I wonder at what point do we say, ‘We gave it a good run. We’re both very fond of each other. But neither of us has fallen in love. So we should declare we are really good friend material.’”
“I just hate to see you go up and down the emotional roller coaster. It must be exhausting.”
“Actually, it can be occasionally, but generally the roller coaster is pretty sedate. Once in a great while I’ll get my hopes up then watch them get dashed. But luckily that’s pretty few and far between. I guess I’m becoming a better man picker, even if I haven’t figured out the formula for a picking a great guy for me. At least I don’t find myself with many drama kings.”
So what do you think about settling down with — and settling for — someone who doesn’t excite you but has many, many, many wonderful qualities? Would you give it a go and see if you could find a way to get your motor revving when with him? We know that too much sexual energy can mask glaring personality flaws. What about medium energy on your side, but high on his?
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