My friends at LifeTwo.com asked me to participate as one of five columnists in exercises for their “Happiness Week.” I’ve written about happiness in dating a few times:
Let’s take a look at how we can meld things that make us happy into our dating activities. Start by looking at what makes you happy. As part of LifeTwo.com’s exercises, I was to answer several questions around what made me happy. The first list was about simple pleasures. Here are some of mine:
- Sitting in and working in my garden
- Reading an interesting book
- Watching an interesting movie
- Napping
- Biking
- Hiking
- Watching the ocean
- Snorkeling
- Viewing a thought-provoking museum exhibit
- People watching
- Chocolate!
- Meaningful discussions
- Listening to and/or dancing to R&B music
- Warm bubble bath
- Silk, cashmere, suede
- Comfortable shoes
- Cute shoes
- Cute, comfortable shoes
- Stretching/yoga
- Laughing/making others laugh
Now the key is to see how many you can combine with your date. I can do all of the above alone or with someone. When you make your list, see which ones you can enjoy with a special guy.
Now you may think this is common sense. I used to think the same way. Until I noticed I was doing most of the above alone or with gal pals. Now I’m better at suggesting activities from the above list, as well as participating in things from his list. If you only suggest or agree to the traditional movies and dinner, it gets old, even if you like that as an evening’s entertainment. Mix it up.
You could ask the guy you’re seeing to make his list, you make yours, then you show each other your lists and see which ones you are interested in doing together. It will make you happier to be together!
You won’t be surprised that also included were:
- Flirting with an interesting guy
- Hugs
- Kisses
- Snuggling
Which, of course, I can also do with a special guy!
If you’re dating someone you aren’t happy around, decide to make yourself happy or get out now. Notice I didn’t say “someone who doesn’t make you happy.” You, of course, are the only one who can make yourself happy or unhappy. But sometimes we think we are looking for someone who will make us happy. And I do think it’s important to be with someone who’s interested in making you happy. But ultimately, it is you who decides if you are happy or not.
Read the rest of my responses on the questions posed to me, if you’re interested.
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Comments
14 responses to “Give yourself more dating happiness”
Hey, DG. I like almost everything on your list 🙂 Wanna nap?
Rod:
You are so funny!
Napping with a sweetie can be delectable, don’t you think?
But before I consider napping with you (as we know where that can lead), what is on my list that you don’t like?
Thank you so much for the post and especially for participating. Both of which make us happy!
I treated dating as a fun thing, I’d decided always to have the best time I could and I did.
The Sweetie is the happiest man I’ve ever met! He’s a glowing example for me, who tends to get a bit grumpy occasionally (not much at all these days!).
Honestly, the only thing Id hesitate on is dancing to R&B… love to do it, but Im not much of a dancer just because I never had much opportunity growing up and still dont. Love music though and as a kid it was ‘acceptable’ to rollerskate to any kind of music in my conservative little town, so I can ‘get down’ to anything if I had wheels on my feet… and if thats not a mental image that would throw my kids into spasms of floor pounding laughter, I dont know what is.
Rod:
Roller skating to R&B sounds fun! Hard to do in my kitchen, where I usually dance to R&B, but maybe outside on the patio. What do you say? Could you bring your skate key? Want to try it?
We could nap afterwards. 🙂
Nap? Did I say nap? I was *thinking* about chocolate and silk but I accidentally typed nap. Silly fingers. 😉
OMG!
There is actual FLIRTING happening on a website about dating- and between single people!
Call the Police! Call the Pope! Call it a good thing :-D!
SD:
I have to practice what I preach, don’t I?
Rod has a good sense of humor.
Rod: So would there be a nap before or after the chocolate and silk experience?
Rod emailed me this offline and gave me permission to share it. I thought it was funny!
“Well, I’ve always found a nap after chocolate to be quite satisfying…after all when one is satiated with chocolate, there isn’t much else one can do… and I suppose if there was going to be a LOT of chocolate, one might even find it necessary to have a nap before indulging… nothing more disappointing than falling asleep in the middle of chocolately festivities.”
One of the things I learned from the relationship with my husband that I just left, is he liked to do many things I liked to do and we would go do them. But that was when we were dating. We dated for a year and then lived together for a year and a half before we got married. He slowly got to where he wanted to do less and less things. For the last several years all he wanted to do was go out to eat or\and go to the movies.
So I asked my mother, who is a marriage and family counselor in CA., “How did that happen, that he wanted to do things and later didn’t?” I stated that I want someone who is more sociable in any future relationships. She said to notice if I’m the only one coming up with ideas to do stuff or if he is too. When she pointed that out I realized that I was the one who always suggested we do what we did. I got tired of always having to come up with the ideas.
But the reason we also stopped doing things together was b\c we were so competitive with each other, that it wan’t fun anymore.
Another things I’ve noticed about online dating profiles is they are so generic. So many list things I like to do, but are they really telling the truth. Going to the park, walking on the beach, going out to dinner, all sound nice, but we all like to do those things at first. How are they in the long run.
I haven’t even gone out with someone from an online service yet b\c I’m too cynical about it all still. But also b\c I’m still kind of leary about it yet.
Just some thoughts…………….
Hi, I was just stopping by and wanted to comment on greendaze44’s comment of Sept 28. I have dated over 100 men I met online. My mother still can’t believe it, but none of the men were creepy or unsavory, except one (and he was nice, he just wanted to get attached unnaturally quickly, which I consider suspect). I learned to communicate well over chat and email first and that helped me weed out anyone who would have scared me. Anyway, I just want to encourage people who are dating to go ahead and use the internet. You can learn a lot more about someone online than you can by just bumping someone’s cart in the fruit section of the grocery. A few commonsense measures can help you feel safe when you first meet someone (most dating sites have guidelines to help you). I have met some of the most wonderful men online. It changed my (low) opinion of men in general. I have made quite a few great friends, a few great boyfriends, and had a load of fun. I dated many many at the beginning just to get out there and feel more confident. I found it to be easy and stress-free. I am a bit more serious about who I date and I am still looking for a “love of my life” (just because he’s wonderful does not mean he is the person you are looking for to share a healthy relationship). But I am confident I will find one (there is not just one person out there for you, either) and I have no regrets about any of the dates I had or people I met. I guess what I am trying to say is “Don’t be afraid, girlfriend – get out there and have yourself some fun!”