This phrase may conjure up images of Arnold Schwarzenegger (“The Governator”) in “The Terminator 2.” The man I’m referring to has a few of Arnold’s characteristics — an easy smile, intelligence, humor, confidence — and nice biceps!
Previously I wrote about “Boomerang boyfriends.” These are guys who get back in touch after months without contact. My hunch is they get lonely and liked my company, so want to see if we can rekindle what we had before. Or they are horny and want to see if they can get a booty call. Which they can’t.
Wednesday, I got an email from a guy I went out with 3 times several months ago. We had a good time (or so I thought) and seemed to enjoy each other’s company. Then poof — he was gone. He went on a weeklong business trip and said he’d call, but didn’t. I emailed him once and called once, but no response — until today.
His email said he’s been abroad for a few months. They don’t have email abroad? I know they do where he went. He said he was busy taking care of his sick mother. While that sounds noble, I’m sure if it were important he would have found time to zap me a quick email once in a while.
He asked if I was seeing someone steadily. When I said no, he asked if he could take me to dinner that night.
He had some alluring qualities, but some rough edges as well. He’s 12 years younger than me, so he has some not-quite-as-mature-as-I’d-like behaviors (although I’ve learned this really has nothing to do with a man’s age!). I decided it was worth an hour or so to catch up with him, so accepted the dinner invitation.
At dinner, he asked why I didn’t have a boyfriend. We like to banter, so this playful dialog ensued.
“There were several vying for the boyfriend position, but no one has secured it yet.”
“I want to apply.”
“Let me tell you some of the requirements and see if you’re still interested. My boyfriend has to call every day, even when traveling domestically. If you’re abroad, an email will do, although we could also do Skype.”
“I’ll call you every day.”
“Good. While I don’t mind occasional spontaneous outings like tonight, you need to ask me out several days in advance.”
“I’ll make sure to make an appointment a few days in advance. In fact, I’ll do it now for Friday. Do you want to go dancing?”
“Let me check my social calendar. Yes, that will be fine.”
“Good. We can decide the details when I call you tomorrow.”
“Good. You have to do better at chivalry — opening doors, etc.”
“I do open doors!”
“No, you don’t.”
“My last girlfriend didn’t like that, so I stopped. I’ll work harder.”
We laughed and teased as I reeled off other requirements. I was reminded why I had liked spending time with him. He was fun and could laugh at himself and made me laugh. And he was cute, smart, generous and affectionate.
So while I think we both know he won’t get the long-term boyfriend job, we will have fun hanging out together. And while my “requirements” may seem demanding to some, I think they’re pretty basic for any dating relationship. If he wasn’t willing or interested in some of these requirements, he could say “I’m really just looking for someone to go out with periodically” and that would be fine.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could be this up front with every potential relationship about what is really needed to make it work, from both people? Typically on a first date or call, the question is asked “What are you looking for?” And the responses aren’t too revealing: “I want someone to love me for who I am and I want to love them for who they are.” Sounds enlightened, but it is trite.
I think most of us are looking for the combination of over arching philosophical agreement (values, goals, beliefs) with the day-to-day behaviors that, for us, mean love. Thus the calling, chivalry, for me are everyday actions that show me he cares enough to please me.
If you haven’t begun your boyfriend job description, you can get some ideas from “What’s your “perfect boyfriend’s” job description?”