As we date, we begin to define our deal breakers. Some are solid — no way would you date a cheater, domestic abuser, drug user or felon. But some, you learn, are more malleable. What you thought was a deal breaker, when attached to the right guy, isn’t any more.
On my list of deal breakers/must haves are height, education, income, locale and age appropriateness. I’ve been pretty staunch in rejecting nearly all who didn’t meet my criteria. On rare occasion, I’ve dated men who were an inch shorter, even though I really love taller men. For a short while, I dated a man who I eventually learned had just filed for bankruptcy, although I really prefer men who are financially secure.
So how do you know if something is really a deal breaker or not? And under what circumstances might you modify what you thought were stoppers?
For me, I ignore a deal breaker when his other qualities are rare enough to override other preferences. When I’ve found a loving, fun, intelligent, thoughtful, giving man, it matters little that he’s a little younger than me.
However, it takes a very rare man for me to ignore several of my deal breakers to explore a relationship. I’m noticing my feelings now about possibly getting involved with a special man who is making wooing overtures, but he has three strikes against him: He lives a plane ride away, he’s 3″ shorter than me, and he’s 19 years younger. I tried to dismiss him when he initially contacted me on the dating site, but he came back with a compelling enough communication for me to be interested in getting to know him. I know the situation is far from optimal. But I’m not willing to cut it off until we at least meet and see if there’s a spark. Then a more informed decision can be made.
When you’ve modified your deal breakers in the past, what did you modify and were you glad you did? Or did you later realize why it was a deal breaker and resolve not to budge in the future?
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