How to be hot

No, I am not going to tell you to wear low-cut tops, skin-tight clothes nor mini-skirts. Although that is hot on some women for some men. But that’s not the tip I want to tell you.

I’m going to share something I’ve stumbled on in my dating adventure. It may be old hat to you. I’ve been surprised at how universal the effect is on most men, even married pals.

First, though, you may think it odd for me, a woman who is far from svelte to be sharing a tip on how to be hot. But part of the coolness of this tip is that it works with nearly any body type. I’ve learned that “hot” has less to do with one’s body but more with how one carries oneself.

That’s not the tip. But it’s part of it.

People most often list “confidence” as a quality they want in a mate. Many men find women sexy who have good posture, a confident walk, look them in the eye, smile easily and speak assuredly. If a woman also dresses like she likes her body — no matter what its size and shape — many men find that appealing. In fact, a hint of cleavage is much more seductive to many men than showing a lot. A 6″ slit in the front of a skirt showing just a little thigh is much more enticing to many men than a mini-skirt or a high slit.

But the tip I want to share is most appealing when combined with all of the last paragraph. I’ve gotten the most “you’re hot” comments from pals and dates when I’ve worn … patterned hose. I had no idea this was such a turn on to men!

Tasteful, large-paned fishnet-type hose rarely goes unnoticed. You can have subtle fishnets, stripes, lace or herringbone, but the bolder the pattern the better — at least on the hotness meter. But don’t go into garish, wild colors and patterns — those reduce hotness. Men also seem to really like hosiery with a seam up the back, as long as your skirt is above the knee so they can see and appreciate that sexy seam.

But patterned hose on a slouching, timid, dowdily dressed woman isn’t alluring. Men have told me that it takes a confident woman to wear patterned hose that calls attention to her legs. And it doesn’t seem to really matter the shape of your legs — within reason. I have muscular calves and chubby thighs. This doesn’t curtail the comments. But I’m not wearing mini-skirts, either.

So, if you don’t already own at least one pair of patterned hosiery, get to the store or online and order a pair. Stand up straight, smile, and feel even more sexy. Tell me how it works for you.


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20 responses to “How to be hot”

  1. Mike Lowrey Avatar

    LOL. Yes, you are 120% right. Patterned hose is the bomb.
    I’m really mad that more women don’t realize it about guys.
    Its not like were complicated were actually pretty simple creatures, lol.

    I must admit it is the sexiest thing me. Guys don’t want to see women out showing the full monte. We’ll look but there’s something way more appealing to us.

    Wearing clothes that gives me a peek at the goods…just enough to let my imagination do the rest will drive me crazy!

    In a room with 20 pretty women and one of them is wearing fishnets and hot heels, even if she ‘s not the best looking in the face or waist, I’ll stop and take notice that one woman and my eyes will be glued to her.

    Hell let me find a woman that can be hot like that on a regular basis and I won’t waste any time. I’ll have to head right down to Robbins Bros for that Engagement Ring!

  2. Karen Avatar

    That’ s funny, my guy likes me best naked.

    There’s no accounting for different tastes, I suppose.

  3. Dating Goddess Avatar

    You two are both funny!

    Mike: I’ve been wearing patterned hose and heels since I discovered this little tip, but no engagement ring yet!

    Karen: Of course he likes you naked! We’re talking about in public here!

  4. Richard Avatar


    IMHO: I like the subtle patterns better. Just like the rest of your outfit – A hint of things to come. Backseam stockings – I’m a happy guy.

    Confidence is key. You have to be comfortable, almost a “see me” attitude, and you will command the room.

  5. Mitsy Avatar

    That’s interesting because I just watched an episode of “Tough Love” on VH1 where a bunch of women go to a boot camp deal at a guy’s house and they get critiqued by other men and have social settings where guys are asked their opinions about the women there. All of the women on the show are having problems finding Mr. Right. There was one woman who is late 40’s who is dressing like she’s a punk rocker, complete with leather coat and gloves, etc. Several guys state that this woman has no idea how off-putting she is. One guys states specifically that the woman who wears “fishnet” hose is NOT the woman he takes home to meet Mom or eventually marries and that isn’t surprising to me. So, a woman who might seem “hot” is not oftentimes the one the guy wants to marry. There is a happy medium somewhere between being boring or having no appeal to trying to look like someone who works in a night club. I’d prefer to be the one they’d like to take home to Mom.

  6. Anna Avatar

    The original BBC / UK version of What Not To Wear re-introduced fish net tights especially as you depict DG, not too much leg but just enough. Trinny and Susannah, the show’s hosts and authors of a number of books, swear by them. Living in Florida myself so its bare legs all year long…..but with the slightly cooler weather perhaps I should give them a try 🙂

  7. Mark Avatar

    A woman (or man) who is trying to look decades younger is unappealing. I don’t want to see a 49 year old woman in a mini-skirt. That’s just weird.

    To me fishnet stockings are for dressing up for the bedroom. I don’t recall seeing women wear them out in public. Are they very common? I’m a casual guy so typically the places I hang out at are casual too, so you might see women in skirts, but seldom in dresses, unless it’s summer and they are wearing a sun dress.

    A lot of you women wouldn’t like me. I don’t really enjoy getting dressed up.

  8. Karen Avatar

    I like dressing up, as long as I’m going somewhere where it’s appropriate. But when I do dress up, I look classy, not trashy (or at least I hope so!) A seam up the back of the leg is great with certain looks, but patterned isn’t even fashionable right now.

    Also, I remember the 1980’s back when it was in style–and I shudder because I tried it then and found that the pattern makes my legs look like thick bridge pylons–not good.

    Besides, I’ve always found that it’s the heels, not the hose, that men like. So I’ll stick to my shoe collection, thanks!

  9. SB Avatar

    Maybe it’s just cause I’m from a younger generation, but fishnets to a 20-something year old definitely conjure up the image of a strip club/goth imitators/punkers. Then again, those fishnets are usually accompanied by other outrageous clothes. Context matters, of course.

    This is a pertinent discussion because my mom bought me a pair of black-patterned hose/tights the other day that she thought were “really flattering” and incidentally somewhat expensive – a gift for starting graduate school. I have no idea what to do with these hose – I’ve worn them with a normal-length skirt once and I feel like they look kind of funny. My boyfriend kind of thought they looked a little funny, too. (To be fair to DG, I do think he was intrigued nevertheless…)

    I’ve spent the better part of my life trying to hide my legs (pants! pants! pants!); I’m not entirely sure I want to be drawing attention to them now. Especially since I feel that the hose draws attention to my legs at the expense of EVERY other asset I might have ;-).

    What should I be wearing with patterned hose? How can I wear them tastefully?

  10. Dating Goddess Avatar

    SB: Since patterned hose are very much in fashion right now, you’ll see lots of models wearing them in catalogs and ads. I prefer to wear them with solids, as I’m not comfortable with conflicting patterns in my skirt or blouse, although some can carry this off. So I wear the large window pane pattern I mentioned with a solid knit suit to add a little flare and sass. And I typically wear shoes the same color as the hose so the eye isn’t jolted around too much.

    As has been mentioned by others, appropriateness is the key. I wouldn’t wear fishnets to church or to meet someone’s boss or mother. But the large window panes are classy and I do wear them in business with the right outfit for the right occasion.

    And I wear black-on-black polka dot hose with a flared, knee-length black and white polka-dot skirt. I think it adds just a fun twist that “normal” hose don’t.

  11. Mike Lowrey Avatar

    Misty: So you want to be the avg woman that he marries. That’s cool.
    It’s true that avg women don’t do the fishnets thing but then 65% of married guys will cheat with their wives with a fishnet wearing women or a woman that’s just different than their avg wives. So…Good Luck with that.

    SB: I hate the fact that clothing which shows some flair like fishnets get such a bad rap in the U.S. It’s like anything slightly provocative has to be stripper wear. Fishnets…stripper-ish. Stilettos…Stripper-ish.

    Mark: I really dig women who could dress it up in the bedroom also. But for me you gotta look hot well before the bedroom. I love it when I’m with a woman all day and she dressed sexy to me, it makes me more flirty, it keeps the romance going. The whole day I’m just pushing to get in it. lol.

    Karen: Don’t get it wrong, a hot pair of Heels will always work. But a hot pair of heels with some patterned hose is pure Kryptonite!!!!

    All I know is if I find a woman that’s keeping it sexy for BigDaddy, Oh..I’m putting in some work to keep her happy in the bedroom and out. I’m home every day with my paycheck going straight into her account. No need to hit the bar with the fellas…they ain’t got a damn thing for me! Lol. I’m home doing the dishes….saying, “damn you look too good to be doing the dishes, let me get that”.

    Goddess, don’t get me started… No rings?? Where have you been all my life? 😉

    Question Goddess: Why do other women hate on woman who may dress provocative (I’m not taking trashy, just sexy showing the curves off)? Usually they have nothing kind to say…Womp…Womp.

  12. Dating Goddess Avatar

    Mike: You are very funny!

    «Goddess,,,,No rings?? Where have you been all my life? ;-)»

    I didn’t say my beaus haven’t given me rings — just no engagement ring! And I’ll let you know when I’ll be in TX next and you can drool over my patterned hose. 🙂

    «Question Goddess: Why do other women hate on woman who may dress provocative

    Women tend to be critical of each other. Don’t really know why.

  13. Dating Advice for Women Avatar

    I couldn’t agree more, so many of my friends have got caught up with the whole mini skirt and low cut top thing! You need to not give it all away at once

  14. Seren Haf Avatar

    I Just love this site. I guess i should be hitting the shops to grab me some leg wear. I do have to agree though, I love back seam and they always seem to get alot of attentions, it’s that vintage glam thing it makes you feel like a goddess… S 🙂 x

  15. Anna Avatar

    ok now you are making me want to move back to a colder climate just to wear the fishnets. I have worn them as DG says, large net and tasteful. Mind you, try getting into them without sticking your toes in all the wrong places but perhaps its getting OUT of them that is more important right?!
    Mike, DG is being polite when she says women tend to be critical of each other. We can be very mean girls (b****y) when envy or jealousy is aroused.

  16. Mitsy Avatar

    Mike, men who want to stray will do so with or without the wife wearing fishnet stockings. Puleeze…are you really 19?

  17. Mike Lowrey Avatar

    Lol, nope I’m not 19…been grown for quite a while.

    Mitsy, try checking out what I said after the word “OR” in my comment.
    I didn’t say that it was the only reason.

    My quote:
    “will cheat with their wives with a fishnet wearing women or a woman that’s just different than their avg wives.”

    Maybe the divorce rate in the US isn’t at 50% just for the hell of it.

  18. JP Avatar

    Wow, I guess I’m in the minority of men. I detest fishnets for the most part; they feel tacky to me. Maybe it just seems like women who wear them are somewhat of “attention whores” (sorry I can’t think of a more polite way of putting it). I love strong women, but don’t equate fishnets with this.

    I much prefer patterned hose/tights, a flash of color, or some unique accessory to catch my attention. BTW, I’m 31–not sure how much age has to do with my feelings.

  19. Mitsy Avatar

    I don’t know where my comment went, but suffice it to say that Mike seems to put the reason for infidelity on to the woman and I don’t agree with that. I’ll stick to being a classy woman who wants to date classy, mature men who don’t need a lot of game-playing to remain faithful in a relationship. If a man is going to screw around, it doesn’t matter what the “wife” wears. If he’s going to cheat, he will do so regardless.

  20. Tanay Kumar Das Avatar

    Being Hot does not come from clothes but its an inner feeling which can be inculcated by the following ways:
    People are attracted to positivity. Don’t believe me??? Try it. Not once and awhile. All the time…..see what starts to happen when you smile. The boys boys wonder what the mystery behind that cute smile is all about.

    Read some sexy magazines or books, or watch dvd’s to stimulate those latent or dormant desires and that part of your brain that likes sex so when you do meet Mr Possible, your mind is on track and you can help this along and get an advantage with some pheromone perfume.

    Be yourself….how is someone supposed to like you if your not even being you. Be calm, cool and collected. It is normal for us women to have a man half way down the isle on the first date…..but don’t bloody tell him that! LOL Joke a bit, smile, be polite and don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. Just because he finds you hot doesn’t mean you have to feel the same….and never ever sleep with a man on the first date…..ever!