How to say “thanks but no thanks” to online winks, flirts and teases

When someone is not a member of a dating site — or they are lazy — they float a trial balloon by clicking on “Wink” (depending on the site, these are also called flirts or teases).

I am convinced some men do a rudimentary search by criteria such as “breathing” and “lives on the planet Earth” and then wink at every woman who comes up. I say this because I get winks from men who are not only not in the same area, but are not in the same state or country. This is like fishing with a net, verses the more skill-based fly fishing — they are just seeing who will respond to their broad contacts.

I’ve had winks from men 30 years younger, 5 inches shorter, who are far below my other criteria. On one level, I admire their boldness. On another level, I want to say “Do you really think the Goddess would consider going out with a 27-year-old movie usher who lives with his parents and rides his bike to work because he doesn’t have a car?”

So what to do? Do you just ignore them? If you get a LOT of winks — say 5 or more a day, then you have to. But I like to respond to every contact, no matter how lame or mismatched. So I have a macro saved with a polite “no thanks.” By typing 3 letters I get the following:

Thanks for your wink.

I’m sure you are a nice guy. I appreciate your interest in me, however, I don’t think we’d be a good match.

Good luck in your search. I wish you the best!

I’ve even been thanked for how I say no! It seems so many people don’t respond to any contact — whether wink or email — that any response is considered polite and classy.

Create your own polite message so you can just cut and paste.


4 responses to “How to say “thanks but no thanks” to online winks, flirts and teases”

  1. […] In fact, I’ve gone out with men who were a nanosecond away from receiving my “Thanks, but no thanks” message, but something compelled me to write a more thoughtful note. If he responded positively with why he thought we could be a good match, I might be convinced to continue the correspondence, perhaps progressing to a phone call and maybe an eventual date. Some of these nanosecond-away-from-being-deleted guys have turned out to be treasures as pals. […]

  2. […] is a borderline deal breaker. You vacillate whether to respond with your nice boilerplate “Thanks but no thanks” email, or to encourage more […]

  3. Dee Avatar

    I responded politely with a “thanks, but no thanks” email and was blasted by the guy. He said it was better to not respond at all than to reject outright. He said it takes a lot of courage even online to put himself out there and would rather not read a rejection email.

  4. Dating Goddess Avatar


    Interesting! Says a lot about the guy that he blasts you for what I’m assuming was a polite email from you. Do we think he might have some unresolved issues? Duh!

    Did you use the model above?