In “Before agreeing to a weekend getaway, clarify expectations” I shared how I’ve learned to ask better questions before going on an outing. So I asked a few when a man I’d gone out with 5 times in a month asked if I wanted to accompany him and his photography club to a horse show. “What happens at the show?” “How long would we be there?” What will be your responsibilities entail?”
But as the event approached, I realized I really didn’t know how the day might unfold, what to wear and bring. I asked him to paint me a picture of what he imagined would happen. He said he and his club members would be out among the horses taking pictures to back up the official photographer and get additional candid shots. I would be outside in the bleachers watching the barrel races and other activities. Since it was autumn, I should bring warm clothes, umbrella, rain coat, bleacher pad, hat and book. We’d have lunch from the on-site vendors and he’d check on me periodically. Afterward we’d have a nice dinner nearby.
This date was having less appeal. After explaining the day, he realized this without my saying a word. He said that if that not wasn’t my idea of a good time, then he could always go with his club and we’d hook up in the evening for dinner. I was appreciative that he suggested this out so I didn’t have to. I told him that when I accepted his invitation I envisioned we’d have more time together. So spending the day alone in the cold and possibly rainy weather was not what I’d hoped for. I wanted to spend the day with him, not seeing him from afar.
He was sensitive to what would be my experience of the event and proactively suggested a more suitable alternative. Unlike my experience detailed in “Teed off by weekend getaway with golf addict,” this guy was thoughtful and sensitive to my needs.
While you may think this would be a no brainer, I’ve found it rare to have a man think through how the experience he’s suggesting would be for me. One that plans ahead — brings a blanket, a thermos of a warm drink, an extra hat or gloves, etc. — seems to be even rarer. I once went on a drizzly-day date to a professional baseball game. My date brought nothing but his jacket. I had a towel to wipe down the seats and a blanket to keep us warm. Is it that women are more wired to think things through? Is it our motherliness, even if we aren’t a mom? Or is it that women value comfort more than men? I’m not sure.
I am sure that I appreciate a man who thinks through an event and includes my enjoyment in his calculations.
What have you noticed about thinking through things in dating? Are men more, less or equally apt to think and plan ahead? Or is that more a woman’s thing?
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