I’m talking about his willingness and ability to regularly show caring, affection and love, whether to you or others.
I’ve noticed that men I’m dating who are used to showing their love to their parents, children, friends, church members, etc., are more able to express their love to me. They are unembarrassed about conveying their caring. They have developed a habit of communicating their affection either through touch, acts of thoughtfulness, or verbalizing their feelings.
When a person hasn’t shown their caring for another for a while, their love muscle atrophies. I’ve dated men who behaved awkwardly about showing their affection — either too much too soon or too little. They only expressed ambivalence or even disdain toward family members and had few — if any — close friends. These men can either come on too needy or too aloof.
After long-single men friends have a girlfriend for a while, I’ve noticed they treat me with more care. They seem to better understand that women like to be treated kindly, even if colleagues, not love interests. Not all men understand this, of course, even those who’ve been partnered for a while. But some men do seem to up their caring quotient.
The man I’m currently seeing regularly gives his time and caring to infirm members of his former profession. He’s part of a group of able-bodied retires who visit the homes, hospital or hospice of those who need companionship. They champion their compatriots’ chores by painting their houses, repairing fences, or performing overdue yard work for those who have fallen on hard times. When he tells me of his day’s activities it is always with humility and gratefulness for the service these elders have done in the past. He has a huge giving heart which shows up in how he expresses his affection for me.
While the stereotype is that women have a strong loving muscle from taking care of children, mates, siblings, parents and friends, just like any muscle it could always be strengthened. The beauty of flexing your loving muscle is no matter who you use it on it will be stronger and available for use when the right man comes into your life. Who could you flex your loving muscle with today?
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Comments
One response to “Is your guy’s loving muscle strong?”
HI DG,
This is a great topic! Dating teaches me about myself as much as it does about the men I meet. I was raised with the ideal of Man As John Wayne – stoic, strong, silent – and that’s who I dated (and ultimately married) only to discover that stoic-strong-silent can equate to angry-withholding-controlling in real life. But even with that knowledge I find myself less attracted to men who are expressive and giving. And there’s a fine line between being caring and being overly needy…anyway. I love reading your column because your topics usually provide me with more food for thought!
Sherri