It was bound to happen

In my five-plus years of dating, I’ve connected with thousands of men from various dating sites. Some have only been through email, others progressed to a phone call, and I’ve actually met face-to-face with 101 of them.

I’ve never run into any of the ones who didn’t make it to the coffee date.

Until today.

A man attended my seminar who looked vaguely familiar. Then his voice struck a chord. How did I know him? I wracked my brain. Then it struck me clearly — I had talked to him after we went through the eHarmony get-to-know-you process. In fact, he’s one of just a handful who talked to me via Skype video chat so his mannerisms were clearer than if we’d just talked by phone.

It was a bit awkward for me throughout the seminar to know that he and I had toyed with the possibility of dating. But I didn’t get a sense that he recognized me.

Afterward, I asked him if he lived in the nearby town where I thought he was from. He said he did. Bingo. Then I said I had a question for him I’d ask when everyone had cleared the room. He was intrigued. I asked if he’d ever been on eHarmony and he said yes. I shared that we’d chatted one night. He smiled, but didn’t remember the connection. No problem as I was surprised myself since we’d only had one conversation.

So now that we’ve officially met, am I interested in getting to know him better. Not really. He seemed like a nice enough guy, and his comments in the session were intelligent and articulate, but I wasn’t drawn to him. And he made no sign he would be interested in getting to know me better either.

So we will see. I have a rule about not dating clients, and although he’s not technically a client, he is the employee of one. So even if we were both interested in getting to know one another more, it would have to wait until I was done with this 2-month engagement.

Have you ever run into someone you’d met virtually from a dating site but never met in person? Share with us what happened.

Want to understand more about Internet dating? Get your copy of Winning at the Online Dating Game: Stack the Deck in Your Favor.


7 responses to “It was bound to happen”

  1. Sylvia Avatar

    When i initial opened up a myspace account, i had a guy who frequently visited my page. He said he liked my writing. I never dated readers, but we talked one night on the phone and that was it.

    i was doing a workshop and my assistant was excited because she had invited this guy she’d met on myspace. This was a couple of years later and boom, you guessed it, it was him.

    At first i didn’t recognize him until he opened up his mouth to speak. He knew who I was but I didn’t say anything to the assistant.

    He was nice enough to me on the phone, but I just didn’t connect with him. Needless to say, the assistant dated him for three months and then went on to someone she met on facebook.

  2. Amanda Goldsmith Avatar


    Yep I guess it had to happen. I just have one burning question, 101 coffee dates and still no soul mate ? I wondered if there is only just the one single soul mate for us or we have several, would love to hear your views on this matter.

  3. Dating Goddess Avatar

    Amanda: Not all of the 101 were just coffee dates. About half were, and the other half resulted in at least one more date. Some of these ended up being beaus. I’ve had two 5+ month relationships and many several-month relationships. The last 5-month one I felt was a keeper — until he broke up with me by text! (I was delusional, which I have a propensity of being!)

    I’m not convinced there is only one person who is our match. How cruel would that be if your mate lived across continents and you had no way to reach him? I think there are many people who we can match with. I think the challenge is as we get older, we get a little pickier. We’ve created pretty darned good lives and so someone has to be pretty special to get us to want to change what we have going on.

  4. Laine Avatar

    This has happened to me. I have been contacted repeatedly by this one guy on a dating site over several years. He does not appeal to me in the slightest, and I have always sent a polite “not interested” reply, but he persists. Every so often he contact me again. This guy is either really resilient and oblivious to repeated rejection, or else he has the memory of a goldfish.

    So imagine my surprise, when running around my cities running track one morning, I see him running toward me. As he approached he was looking at the ground..never looked up !! This got me to thinking about how we can miss out on opportunities in real life..right in front of us!!

    Food for thought 🙂

  5. Amanda Goldsmith Avatar


    So the secret is to keep dating…. ” Ive been dating since im 22, im now 43 and I am fed up ”

    I read all your blog, think its great, buy all the stuff about living a full life, being happy and feeling good and the Prince then appears… I believe in this – sometimes I just loose hope.

    Thanks for the great work you do.


  6. Richard Avatar

    When I read your title, I thought “Oh No! DG has a ring and a date. What will happen to this site?”. I have no experience to add. Sigh. Your post reminds me of the Pina Colada song (Escape).

    My first thought: “101, that’s a lot of people.” Then I thought: “If you only have to date 101 people to find the one, then 1% of the population is a match” – So much for the 1 in a million soul mate. I know, it is a little more selective than that (what percent make it to the date stage).

    Don’t give up Amanda. 22 years of flipping Tails. You are bound to flip a Head soon.

  7. Almita Avatar

    I was on eHarmony for six months. During that time, I initiated contact with one of my “matches.” The man wasn’t interested in me, and he “closed” me out. Some six months later, I encountered the man when I went for a job interview. He was the high level executive that I had to interview with! I felt so odd knowing that he had rejected me on eHarmony. I am still waiting to find out if I got the job. I can only hope that his professional evaluation of me is more positive than his personal evaluation.