“It’s not my job”

It seems that when I gather with one or more single gal pals, the subject soon turns to dating. Today’s gathering was no different.

This conversation centered around a pal who’d recently lost 100 pounds and felt she was ready to re-enter the dating scene. She had new-found confidence and was anxious to find love.

A bit too anxious.

She disclosed that she’d been buying boxes of condoms so she’d be prepared if the opportunity presented itself for a roll in the hay. But then she’d toss out each box as it reached its expiration date. Then she’d get a little depressed at the realization she’d not yet met anyone to romp with.

I asked her why she felt compelled to keep buying condoms.

She said she wanted to be ready.

Just moments before she’d shared that she tells her single gal pals to never shave their legs for a first date so they won’t be tempted to jump in the sack so soon.

I asked her if having a gross of condoms wasn’t being ready too soon? After all, if you begin dating someone and want to have sex, you’d have time to buy protection. Or he could go to the store. Or — most importantly — he would supply the condom.

She seemed shocked at this idea that the man would take care of the condom.

She stuttered, “You’re right. It’s really not my job — not my responsibility — to provide the condom.”

“Exactly. In fact, if you pull out a box of condoms in front of him, it would signal that you are easy and prepared for lots of sex with virtual strangers.”

“I see what you’re saying.”

“Besides,” I continued, “they come in different sizes. You wouldn’t want him to be embarrassed if it was too big. Or have it rip if it’s too small.” I smiled.

She vowed she’d go home and throw out her stash.

While I believe protection is both parties’ responsibility, you can take care of your part by just standing by the “no glove, no love” rule. If he wants to bed you, he will come prepared. If not, he needs to take care of it or no romping. You’re better than someone who’s so desperate for love that you provide everything.

What’s your experience with being prepared for too-soon sex?


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8 responses to ““It’s not my job””

  1. Bruce Avatar

    I am a male and it is the guy’s job to bring a condom. If he doesn’t have one and the girl wants to hold off on sex, then no problem here. If I didnt bring one then its because I wasn’t expecting it to happen. If I like a girl then I dont want to jump in the sack that quickly.

    If I did like her a lot and didn’t bring one and then she said “no problem I have some” I would lose all respect for her as far as wanting a LTR with her. Maybe its old fashioned but that would totally turn me off. I was never in that situation. But of my longest relationships, if the girl whipped out her own condoms because I didnt have any for that first time, that budding romance would have stopped dead in its tracks.

  2. Melissa Avatar

    Interesting blog post! You bring up a good point – whose responsibility is it, really?

    My opinion – it’s the job of both parties. As a woman, I’d want to be prepared, but I agree with you – your friend’s over-preparedness is only leading to disappointment.

    That aside, if I felt the time was right, I’d have no problem saying, “let’s make a quick stop at the convenience store” if need be, but I’d be more impressed if the guy suggested it first. Whether he’s prepared OR suggests it first makes no difference to me – what matters to me is that this suggests that he is safe, in general. That he’s not waiting for YOU to bring it up. And safety is imperative when entering a sexual relationship.

    Great debate – thanks for allowing it!


  3. java Avatar

    You have to trust yourself to know whether these people have sincerely changed and wanted to change, and whether they can do that with you. Otherwise it’s time to let go.

  4. Richard Avatar

    Be prepared. Is she expecting fun on the first date? If not, wait until the proper time, and then buy a few before the date.

    Instead of throwing the expired ones out, she can practice on cucumbers and bananas.

    BTW: Can you send her my e-mail address?

  5. Dating Goddess Avatar

    Very funny, Richard!

  6. the friend in the blog Avatar
    the friend in the blog

    There is nothing wrong with having some protection with you to keep safety around. Men can wake up with a hard on, Can blink and get one.
    As we navigate our way through life, and through relationships of all magnitudes, we need to take care of ourselves and meanwhile be aware that sometimes the man gets hard but we do also, along with our hearts engaging along with it. So let her feel safer and keep some in her purse,just like men keep them in their wallets and how many of us women have seen that telltail ring indentation on a mans wallet?????

  7. TherapyOptional Avatar

    HA! I say keep buying the condoms and enjoy life on the safe side, seriously, life is too short and what’s a little “romp” among consenting adults if it is just that “a romp”. If she’s looking for love, then a romp on the first date is probably not the best approach.

    BTW, who cares who’s responsibility it is?! BE SAFE – that’s the most important thing!

  8. Lisa Avatar

    Interesting opinions on both sides! After my divorce, I bought condoms for the “just in case” reason. At the time, all I could handle was a “romp” and I agree that there is nothing wrong with a “friends with benefit” type of relationship as long as it is two single, consenting adults. I’ve always felt that my own safety was in MY control. Once I reach a point of knowing it is happening, I don’t want anyone going anywhere to buy condoms! LOL Anyway, I see nothing wrong with being prepared but we women need to be more classy about it. Whipping out an econo box of condoms is not cool at all. Controlling ourselves enough to discuss ahead of time is the way to go. He should have them or at least prepare himself as well. That would ease my mind knowing he is responsible. Just sayin….