When I first began to date, two men contacted me the same week from the only online site I was listed. Each emailed me several times a day the first week, and we spoke by phone. I liked them both, but Mr. JohnnyOnTheSpot asked for a date within the week. The other lived an hour away and it took him 3 weeks to ask for a date. I agreed to meet him for dinner, although I was already fond of Mr. JohnnyOnTheSpot.
Mr. Procrastinator and I had exchanged flirty emails and on the phone he was interesting and complimentary. However, other than a “You’re beautiful” when we sat down, his flirty attitude was gone. He was businesslike in his voice tone and discussion topics. He was reserved and rarely smiled. The deep, melodious, sexy voice he used on the phone was now higher pitched. I didn’t feel drawn to him in person.
He called the next day and asked me to rate the date on a 1-10 scale. I had decided I really didn’t want to see him again, but rather than tell him a 4, I rated it a 7. He acted crushed! I also told him I had begun seeing Mr. JohnnyOnTheSpot. He said he was disappointed, but he understood, and wished me well.
A month later he emailed asking how I was doing and how it was going with Mr. JohnnyOnTheSpot. I politely responded that it was going fine. He kept in touch every month and seemed elated when after a few months I told him I had broken up with Mr. JohnnyOnTheSpot. He called me that day and I warmed to him again, so started seeing him. So sometimes persistence pays off!
He called me every day for 6 months, but I only saw him every 10-12 days. He kept promising he’d come see me tomorrow, but something else nearly always took priority. I got tired of being home alone on too many Saturday nights, while he kept professing his devotion to me. So while he was persistent, his actions weren’t congruent with his words.
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Comments
2 responses to “Persistence pays — perhaps”
Yes, persistence pays off but consistency and reciprocity are so much better. Beats me why being consistent is so difficult for some people.
Yes, you are right Elena. I find it interesting that people (men) say one thing, “I don’t want to leave. I want to stay with you,” then send a “have a nice life email” a few days later.
I work to be consistent and congruent. But then I realize my actions may seem incongruent to some. I realize we all change our minds or our feelings change about someone, so our actions change which looks inconsistent if you haven’t communicated what’s going on. I think that’s the key.