Have you ever been stood up for a date? Whether you have already or regrettably, may be in the future, it’s useful to examine your options. Here’s how I explored mine.
A new potential suitor (#77) and I arranged for a dinner first date last night. He called two days ago to set a time. He asked me to choose a restaurant and email him the address. I did so within the hour, along with the restaurant’s phone number and my cell number.
I got dated up and drove to the restaurant, arriving 10 minutes early. I waited. The appointed time came. He didn’t waltz in. I gave him some grace, as he was driving from an hour away, so maybe he got caught in traffic. Another five minutes passed. Ten. I asked the hostess if she thought it rude, as I did, to be 10 minutes late and not call. When she found out where he was driving from, she thought he might have hit traffic. I called his cell phone to see if he was lost or stuck. Voice mail. I left a message.
Another five minutes passed. Then another. I called again. I didn’t leave a message. I vacillated between fuming at his rudeness for not calling, worrying that something had happened which prevented him from calling, to wondering if I got the day wrong, or if he’d even received my email. I gave him a little more slack.
At 30 minutes after the time we set to meet, and 40 minutes after I arrived, I left. I called his cell one last time to see if I could get him, not his voice mail. I didn’t leave a message.
When this happens you have several choices:
- Should you call again? No. I left a message and he can see I called multiple times after that.
- Should you email to ask what happened? No.
- If he calls, how should you react? I’ll be in wonder, curious at what happened. If he is contrite and apologetic and offers a plausible excuse — which needs to include the words “hospital” or “kidnapped” — I’ll consider giving him another chance. But I can’t imagine that his reason would be anything but inexcusable. I will let him know I was inconvenienced.
- If he doesn’t call, oh well. Although he was charming on the phone and had a wonderful accent, deep voice and good sense of humor, he lives over an hour’s drive from me, which is far from optimal. He’s been married 3 times, and is only separated from his last wife, but they’ve filed for divorce. Orange flag (a mix of yellow and red flag.) He has a small child with her, which complicates life.
If he purposefully blew me off, what possibly could go through a man’s mind to make this okay? Narcissism? Selfishness? Lack of compassion, empathy or humanity? If he decided not to meet me, what would prevent him from having the common decency to at least call and give me some feeble excuse, if not say he changed his mind or plans? As much as I want to be in wonder, this one has me flummoxed.
We’ll see how this one plays out. I won’t be waiting by my phone. I have a second date with #76 tomorrow.
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