Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40™

Tag: online dating book for women over 40

  • Win prizes in the first Dating Goddess contest

    It's Complicated movieI’ve been approached by the PR firm for the new movie “It’s Complicated” offering prizes for you, my readers! Additionally, the PR firm for K-Y Brand “Yours+Mine” and “Intense” personal lubricants offered prizes. Plus I’ll add copies of Date or Wait: Are You Ready for Mr. Great? and some Flirt-O-Grams. So we are going to combine the prizes for the winners of the first Dating Goddess contest!

    To follow the theme of the “It’s Complicated” movie, the contest will be for the best stories about attraction to a former love. You can write up to 500 words telling us the story of your attraction and what happened (please keep it clean). Write your entry here in a comment. Tell your friends!

    The prizes are:
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  • Are you talking yourself out of potential dates?

    I mean this literally — not are you internally talking yourself out of going on a date.

    For example, recently I had two conversations with a new guy. About 30 minutes into the second conversation, I said I needed to get back to work. He asked if I’d like to get together. I said, “Sure, we could meet for coffee. What part of town do you live in?”

    He responded that he lived near an upscale shopping center that I like to frequent.

    “Great. We could meet there.”

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  • Special holiday gifts for daters over 40

    Got a midlife dater (or would-be dater) on your holiday gift list? Want something special that will add value to your loved one’s life, not get shoved in a drawer or closet? Or maybe you want someone to give YOU a useful and memorable gift!

    Give one (or more!) of the Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40™ books and get a bonus eBook with each book purchase! So you really get two books for the price of one. The bonus book is Attract Your Next Great Mate: Dating Advice From Top Relationship Experts. Download instructions are in every book.

    If you order Date or Wait: Are You Ready for Mr. Great? I’ll happily autograph it to the recipient if you provide the name. A personalized autographed book is always a prized possession.

    There are deep discounts for quantities so order a bunch!

    flirt-frontOr if you want a fun stocking stuffer, Flirt-O-Grams™ are perfect. The “Seize the Day” package of 10 is only y $4.95; the “Aggressively Single” package of 25 is only $9.95.

    We can send your order directly to your loved ones, or send it to you to wrap and give. Just tell us what you want in the notes section of your order, or drop us an email.

    Act now to make sure your treasured gift is received on time.

    Details

    All Dating Goddess books

  • “No wonder he’s single”

    You’ve heard people utter this phrase about a hapless dater — or would-be dater. Perhaps you’ve said it yourself after a vexing encounter with a single. And of course, it can be said about either gender.

    The speaker usually says it after an unpleasant interaction, or even hearing about someone’s clueless behavior. I thought it myself recently after a potential suitor’s second call, during which this accomplished, intelligent man was argumentative and condescending.
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  • Permission-based dating over 40

    May I Kiss You?
    May I Kiss You?

    My friend Mike Domitrz is the founder of The Date Safe Project™, and author of May I Kiss You? and Help! My Teen Is Dating. In familiarizing myself with his work, I was taken not only by his commitment to helping kids and young adults to date more respectfully, but with the application of his ideas to midlife daters.

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  • How to be hot

    No, I am not going to tell you to wear low-cut tops, skin-tight clothes nor mini-skirts. Although that is hot on some women for some men. But that’s not the tip I want to tell you.

    I’m going to share something I’ve stumbled on in my dating adventure. It may be old hat to you. I’ve been surprised at how universal the effect is on most men, even married pals.

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  • The wallet triage

    Let's go deeply in debtIn past postings we have talked about dating’s financial conundrums and how to find balance. We’ve discussed how different financial values and capabilities cause conflict.

    In dating, whether we realize it or not, we begin to do what was called a “wallet triage” by one of my hospital clients. This distasteful term was used to describe when they had to determine if a patient could pay for treatment. If not, they had to be sent to the county hospital. It was unpleasant for the staff to ask the uncomfortable questions about someone’s ability to pay while the patient was bleeding or in pain, and it was distressing for those being asked. But the hospital was hemorrhaging funds, and if they treated people without receiving payment, the hospital was going to close, which would have put the community in dire straights. It was a horrible situation for all concerned.

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  • Midlife dating etiquette

    etiquetteThe other day I was asked me for some rules of etiquette for when one is beginning to date. While etiquette is, according to the dictionary, “the customary code of polite behavior,” there are no hard and fast rules. What is rude to one is not a big deal for another. Following are what I’ve heard are common complaints from both genders. You may not have a challenge with any item, but I think it’s important to know what may be considered good- or ill-mannered by another.

    Both genders:

    • Respond promptly to online contacts, even if you’re not interested. Don’t let someone linger in limbo. If you’re not interested, send them a kind, “Thank you, but we’re not a match” email. (Some people think no response is better than an outright rejection, but the majority of people I’ve talked to about this would rather hear a polite “no thanks” than nothing at all.)
    • When on the phone, give the other your full attention. Don’t grocery shop, watch TV, read your email, or surf a dating site. I experienced the latter during an initial phone call with a potential suitor. At first I was impressed that he was referring to items on my profile; then he digressed to reading me emails he’d received from woman wanting to make contact.
    • When together, don’t answer your phone, unless you’ve specified in advance that your child or boss may call. If you do answer, make it very brief, not “No, I’m not doing anything. What’s going on with you?” Believe it or not, I’ve heard this from people over the age of 40 on a date. If the call is going to be more than a 30-second “Let me call you back in a few hours,” excuse yourself and take it outside.
    • When face to face, give the other your focus. Don’t check out others as they walk by. We can see your eyes look people up and down! The same is true at a party or bar where you are looking over the person’s shoulder.
    • Be on time. In fact, being a little early is even better. You can then stake out the quietest spot, as well as observe the posture, walk and attire of the other. I met a man once who had arrived early and staked out a table, so I didn’t see him walk in. Only when I picked up something I dropped did I noticed his both pants legs’ hem had come unsown so were ragged and dragging on the floor.
    • Get cleaned up. That means wearing neat, clean, ironed, well-fitting clothing in good repair. Brush your hair and teeth before the meeting. Take a shower that day.
    • Don’t be critical of the other. It takes a long time to develop enough trust to be allowed to give critical feedback.
    • Don’t talk about other people you are dating. When you disclose you are seeing others, you don’t need to give details, even if asked.
    • Don’t lead on the other if you have no interest.
    • Limit your discussion of your ex(es) and try to find a way to say something positive about him/her. If you’re only bashing, you’ll sound bitter and negative, which is unappealing.
    • Share the conversation, don’t hog it. Think of questions about the other that you want to know. Work to not ask the same questions every other person has asked your date.
    • Don’t talk about sexual topics before meeting or on the first date.
    • Limit your alcohol consumption to one or two drinks on the first encounter. Alcohol impairs your judgment and you may make decisions you’ll later regret.
    • When you’ve decided you don’t want to see the other again, have the courage to say so as pleasantly as possible. Don’t take the coward’s way out and stop responding to emails and calls.

    Women:

    • Don’t practice arbitrary rules, like only having one contact with a man per day. If you both like to email or call a few times a day, do it. Don’t limit yourself by what some “expert” says to do — including this one.
    • Don’t accept a date with a man you have no interest in just for a free lunch, dinner, or concert.
    • Do not put on lipstick or make up at the table. Excuse yourself to the ladies’ room.

    Men:

    • Pick a first rendezvous spot where you’ll be comfortable treating. While it is the 21st Century, the norm is still for the man to treat on the first date unless the woman has made it clear she’d prefer to go dutch. Coffee dates are perfectly fine for a first meeting. Don’t feel you have to go to a fancy place to impress her on the first encounter.
    • Brush up on gentleman’s etiquette: ask her to order first, open doors, walk by her side, not in front unless it’s in a crowd. Know which fork to use, which glass(es) and bread plate are yours, and when to put your napkin in your lap (when you first sit down). Buy a book on male etiquette from your local independent bookstore.
    • Don’t ask out a woman you have no interest in just for a sex, unless you’re positive that’s all she wants, too. Ask, don’t assume.

    Everyone can benefit from an etiquette review every once in a while, just as they could from a driving review. Don’t assume you have nothing to learn. Ask your opposite sex dating buddies for what bugs them about the your gender during dating.

    What have I left out? What etiquette gaffes have I overlooked? Share your thoughts in a comment.

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    Got a topic on dating after 40 you want Dating Goddess to address? Send your issue to Goddess@DatingGoddess.com.

  • You can tell a lot by your date’s … driving

    I don’t recommend you get in a date’s car until you’ve gone out with him at least three or four times. But when you do, notice how he drives. It will tell you a lot about his personality. Here’s my take on driving habits and what they can tell you.

    • Tailgates — He’s impatient and somewhat reckless. If you say something and he gets defensive, he’s not open to feedback and doesn’t care about your comfort and sense of safety.
    • Swears, complains — If he frequently swears at other drivers or continually complains about traffic, he doesn’t know how to let it go. There’s nothing he can do about traffic, so why complain?
    • Weaves in and out of traffic; cuts in a too-tight space — Impatient, trying to jockey for position. This dangerous habit will gain 1-2 minutes. Who cares — unless you’re going into labor in the car or bleeding all over it!
    • Doesn’t use turn signals — He doesn’t care that his actions have impact on others, so sees no need to communicate what he’s intending. This may be a portent of his lack of communication with you.
    • Goes exactly the speed limit in the fast lane — Even though others are passing him on the right, he insists on staying in the fast lane because “I’m going the speed limit. They can go around.” Can we spell “control”? He justifies this obnoxious behavior because he is “right” and ignores that he is a traffic hazard.
    • Passes people who are in line on exits and on ramps, then squeezes in — No regard for others. Thinks his time is more valuable than others. Takes glee in saying, “What suckers!” as he passes them on the shoulder. This man has problems.
    • Gives others the finger — Lack of anger control, not willing to give others any grace. If he gets anger over something so trivial, what will he get angry at you about?
    • SpedometerSpeeds excessively — Lack of regard for laws, recklessness, trying to show his bravado. He isn’t showing his respect for your safety.
    • Goes through yellow signals at the last minute — Most accidents on city streets happen in intersections. People jump the green and hit those who are in the intersection when it turns red. His disregard for the yellow warning is reckless and self-focused on his desire to not wait the 90-120 seconds for the next green light.
    • Stomps on the gas at green lights — He thinks driving hard shows how manly he is. I think it shows how stupid he is, as he’ll waste more gas, burn through more tires, and possibly get in a wreck with those who, like him, are impatient so blow through yellow lights.
    • Rolls through stop signs — He uses the excuse that, “There’s no one around” to ignore basic traffic laws. This shows he does not understand the concept that character is what you do when no one is around to see.
    • Multitasks — if he tries to drink coffee, eat, talk on the cell phone and change the radio station/CD all at once, he isn’t paying attention to his driving. He will probably multitask with you, as well, not giving your focused time.
    • Honks — there is little need to honk unless there is an immediate danger. Honking to express anger is immature.
    • Shows consideration of others — If he lets in those trying to merge and generally is considerate of others, he’ll probably show consideration for you as well.
    • Drives safely — He’s showing he respects his, yours and others’ lives. He is conscientious and alert. He may desplay those characteristics in his relationship with you.

    If he is riding in your car, you can tell a lot about him, too.

    • He tells you where to turn, even though you’re familiar with the area — If he doesn’t ask if you’d like his assistance, this is the sign of a control freak. If you say something, his response will be, “I’m just trying to help.” He doesn’t realize that you don’t want his help unless you ask.
    • He tells you where to park — He is treating you like a child who can’t see a parking place on your own. There is a difference, however, between “Park there” and “There’s an empty one over there.” One is a demand and the other is a suggestion. If you want his help finding a space, ask.
    • He unjustifiably finds fault with your driving — “You’re such an old-lady driver,” “Just pass this idiot,” or “Can’t you go faster?” Tell him to shut his trap unless there’s a danger or you ask for his opinion or help.

    What else have you learned about your date by driving with him?

    Technorati Tags: dating Internet, dating online, senior dating, bbw dating, mature dating, dating over 50, dating over 40, online dating advice

    Got a dating-after-40 topic you want Dating Goddess to address? Send your issue to Goddess@DatingGoddess.com.