In “Before agreeing to a weekend getaway, clarify expectations,” I told you of a weekend “romantic” getaway with a man I’d seen occasionally over seven months. A week before the outing, he sprang on me that he planned to golf Saturday. I was not pleased, but was willing to be a good sport, under the premise (and promise) that we’d spend time together doing other activities.
The weekend’s opening act didn’t bode well. When he picked me up from the airport, there was no hug or kiss. He scurried to throw my luggage into his trunk and turned to get back in the car. I caught him and kissed him on the cheek. No stopping for an embrace or a lip lock.
The 90-minute drive to the resort took 2.5 hours in heavy traffic. The resort was nice, but offered no other sport options but golf.
After we checked in I thought we’d have dinner in the restaurant, since earlier in the week he said we’d dine out on Friday. Instead, he said we’d have room service. I guess since we were out of his apartment, that was “out” in his mind! But I’m flexible. He’d had a hard week. We watched TV until he fell asleep.
Sat., he got up early for his tee time. Before he left I confirmed he’d be back between 11:00 and noon. He said, yes, he would. I busied myself with a walk, checking email, chatting with the concierge, and reading. I made sure I was back in the room by eleven.
He returned nearly an hour late, without letting me know. When I told him I’d expected him by noon, he said he’d told me it would be closer to 1:00. Hmmm, I had no memory of that information. We drove to a nearby town for lunch. Back in the room, he took a nap. I took a walk. Since we had a big lunch we didn’t want much dinner, so we snacked while watching an in-room movie.
Sunday it rained. He said if it hadn’t, he would have golfed. That would have been cause for a pointed discussion about why he bothered to bring me on this getaway.
Arriving back at his apartment, he turned on the TV to watch … golf! I went for a walk. I was taking a lot of walks by myself this weekend. When I returned, the tournament was over so I told him there were several movies nearby that I wanted to see and their start times. He said we should see if there was a TV movie to watch, and found one — featuring golf! I read while he watched it. We watched TV from opposite sides of the couch the rest of the evening.
So the weekend with this golf addict shanked. He had no concept of how to be flexible and do some of what I wanted, although I felt I was clear. He did what he would have done if I hadn’t been there, and he didn’t give a nanosecond of thought to what I might like to do or how to make me happy during this rare weekend together. I could have made more of a ruckus, but when I did say what I wanted or made suggestions, he ignored me or chose to do something else. I used this time as an experiment to see if he thought at all of my enjoyment or only his own.
I hit this guy out of bounds — where he’s staying.
What did I learn?
- Clarify your expectations ahead of time. Ask about possible activities to be done singly and together.
- In any weekend getaway, some alone time is not a bad thing. However, if the weekend is to help you get to know each other better, spending too much time on individual activities does not accomplish this goal.
- Watching TV together can be a way to relax and snuggle. But if it dominates the time you are together, you’re not getting to know each other at all.
- Trust your intuition. I used this weekend as a bit of a test to see if he was more thoughtful than he seemed on the phone. I needed some final evidence to convince myself to let him go. He ended up being less considerate than the last time we saw each other. I was hoping he would be more thoughtful, but now I knew that is not who he is or how he thinks. So I’ve released him for some other woman who has different needs than mine — and who golfs!
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You are a gem. I wouldn’t have lasted the entire weekend. After seven months, did you never have a clue that he was this inconsiderate? Yikes. At least it gave you a writing topic (does he know you write about him?) . . . ;o)
Men I am sorry to admit to being part of the gender sometimes when I am exposed to the total lack of character too many show to a woman on something that is suppose to be special. I am proud to admit I am a recovered sports junky and life does go on even though I have no idea of the NCAA National Football champ or even who was in the running.
Guys, when you take a lady out for a special getaway if the temptation is too strong leave the stupid clubs at home. We are supposed to have evolved since we needed to carry one to get a lady in the first place. (Sorry caveman/Neanderthal/missing link humor.)