My friend has been dating a new guy for a month and it was going well. He’s emotionally mature, good looking, financially stable, fun and treats her well. They had two activities planned for the weekend near his home, an hour away from her.
He invited her to stay overnight so she didn’t have to drive back and forth. His guest room was offered as an option so she said yes.
As they hung out the first day, the conversation drifted toward sex. Then he made this disclosure.
He had herpes.
My friend had never been with anyone with herpes so didn’t know how to react. She asked him questions. How frequent were his outbreaks? Would he always wear a condom? (Yes.) She realized she didn’t know enough to ask more questions. She told him she wasn’t ready to have sex with him and would have to learn more about the disease. They had a great sex-free weekend.
When she shared this conversation, I sent her to the Centers For Disease Control site. I also suggested she discuss it with her doctor as I was certainly no expert.
Her challenge is what to do next. She will educate herself, of course, and discuss the issue with him. One report I said said that the majority of non-infected partners get herpes even when using protection. That’s not a path she wants to go down. She hates to give up a great guy, but she also doesn’t want to be infected. And she doesn’t want a sexless relationship.
Have you been in a relationship with someone with herpes? How did you decide to keep seeing him — or not — if he was a great guy? What advice would you give someone in my friend’s situation?
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